The Orange Party

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. It’s getting warm up here in the mountains and I’m going to need to wrap up my outdoor activities pretty soon. Even going out for a couple of hours to spread weed and feed sets me to cooking. I wear as few clothes as is prudent. I am ambivalent to hats, sort of. I get the idea of blocking the sun’s rays to prevent skin cancer, but I also know the hat is trapping heat. At my head. Where I need it the least. Does this qualify as a paradox? Something that is supposed to be good for you, but feels bad?

You know it’s funny, but I can’t think about the sun, and sun tans, without thinking about the folks that go to tanning booths. I have to admit, for folks that work outside on a regular basis it just seems like a silly affectation. Even though most of us just sport a “farmer’s tan”, at least we’re getting a good dose of healthy sunshine. I understand that that’s the reason the suicide rate is so high in Seattle. It rains so much there that the people don’t get “charged up” like they should by the sun’s rays.

Now I try to make allowances for folks who are city bound and aren’t able to get out into the sun on a regular basis. My ignorance of tanning booths is pretty complete. I don’t know if there is any vitamin D transported in a tanning booth. If so, I can give them a little more credence. Folks need that boost of vitamin D that comes from the sun. If you can’t get vitamin D from a tanning booth, then I guess it’s just a breeding tube for skin cancer. Not the way I want to go.

I was always amazed that former Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has been such a big fan of the “healthy glow” that can only be derived from the use of tanning booths. It seems that since his very early days in the House, when he handed out checks to other members of Congress for their consideration on tobacco industry issues, Boehner has been a heavy smoker. I guess I have some sympathy for a fellow that’s livelihood is tied to a deadly practice. I mean, coal miners keep going down in the mine even though they know it’s killing them. I’m guessing that Boehner’s handlers with the tobacco industry told him he needed to smoke as much as he could, and look healthy while doing it. Instead of the ashen grey pallor that a life long smoker gets, Boehner has this “healthy” orange glow. All things considered, I guess orange looks better than grey.

The Donald also appears to be a big user of tanning booths. I was struck funny a couple of weeks ago when The Donald appeared at a rally looking like Rocky the Raccoon. The white skin around The Donald’s eyes was big enough to indicate that ski goggles were used to protect his eyes while he was in the booth. Maybe that’s a tanning booth option. They give you the appropriate size goggles to match the outdoor activity that you’re hoping to fool folks into thinking you do. You can get the regular lid covers, ski mask or scuba mask. You’d just have to keep your stories straight to match the untanned skin.

The tanning booth would be an unlikely spot for bringing together political interests, but I’m sure stranger things have happened. John Boehner seemed to, kind of, sort of, get on the Trump bandwagon this week. Like all politicians, it’s hard to discern their true feelings. It may be that as a result of The Donald’s crushing wins this week in the primaries that the Old Guard has decided to embrace The Donald. For sure, if I was John Boehner I’d prefer to get on The Donald’s good side. “Cryin’ John Boehner” sounds even worse than “Lyin’ Ted Cruz”. It could be that we’re getting a prelude to the Fall match up for the Republicans.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Orange Party: