That Dog Will Never Hunt

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. My unofficial calculation puts it at seventeen days until my beloved Bulldogs take the field once again between the hedges and begin their march towards a national championship. I know there are naysayers among you, but, this is the year. Mulva has already bought me ten pairs each of red and black socks so that I can wear one of each while watching the game. Some call it superstition, I call it proper preparation. 

Speaking of preparation, did you hear where The Donald has promised to round up all 20 million illegal aliens currently residing in the U.S. and to send them back across the border? Now, I know I am The Donald’s lesser when it comes to numbers. His 10 billion dollar net worth is about 10 billion times bigger than mine. So, when he talks about moving 20 million people, I can only compare it to my experience trying to get 20 kids to and from Six Flags on a church trip.

We prepared for that trip for weeks in advance. We made sure the two vans we were going to use could make the trip without breaking down. We secured four adult chaperones so that each chaperone only had to keep up with five kids. We printed up t-shirts in the most God-awful lime green color you’ve ever seen, emblazoned with “The Full Gospel Original Church of God” on front and back so we could not only keep up with each other but bear witness as well. We bought bags of snacks and bottled water for the transport. We even put a “necessary” bucket in each van, just in case. We brought a picnic basket for lunch so we didn’t get gouged by the park vendors, but we made sure each kid had $10 to buy a rememberance. Last but not least, we made each child count off their group with their chaperone as they entered and left the van. I bring all of this up to point out that we had reached the Hwy 19 exit on I-285 on the way home before we discovered we’d left one kid behind. It was Bud Jr. I swear to God I saw him get in the van. Our Exodus had one tremendous advantage over the one proposed by The Donald, our people wanted to make the trip.

Now, some folks will refer to people who are superstitious as delusional. I have statistics to support my superstitions. What I consider to be delusional is rounding up 20 million people and then having the expection that:

1. They won’t all turn around and come right back.

2. Court costs won’t explode from the suits made by the children that are born here and are U.S. citizens, but whose parents are being deported.

3. You won’t deport some people who are here legally, which will then add to the already expanded court costs.

4. Congress will provide the funding necessary for this type of endeavor, and will maintain the funding so that we don’t have the same issue 20 years in the future.

I personally believe there are a lot of delusional people that vote for the Republican ticket. I also believe there are a lot of people who want all immigrants of color sent “back to where they came from”. I think the “aha moment” for some of these folks will come when they confront the B.S. rhetoric with the reality of their own experience. If the logistics alone don’t cause potential voters to cry “balderdash” to The Donald, then there is one question everyone should be asking. Who will pick our fruits and vegetables?

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