Gettin’ My Ears Lowered

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Another gorgeous day here in the mountains. As I’ve mentioned before, I find Fall to be my time of renewal. If I’m going to start a new project, like walking/jogging, I’ll start in the Fall. Don’t know why, maybe it carries back to being a kid and starting school in the Fall. Every Fall you start afresh, new school clothes, new teachers, new challenges.

In the spirit of my “reclamation of Bud” project, I decided that my coiffure could use a little something. Now, I’m not saying I’m going all “Sargeant Carter”, I’m just saying I want to get cleaned up a bit. Problem is, I’m on house arrest, and we don’t have a barber shop, or a barber here at TackyToo. Fortunately, I do have a wonderful wife, Mulva, who is a master at manipulating persons, places, and things to the desired outcome. Mulva was able to get one of the church members at The Full Gospel Original Church of God, who happens to be a barber, to agree to doing a little “missionary work”, by coming here to the park.

Turns out, I’m not the only “shut in” needing a little sprucing up. By the time the barber had arrived their were five of us lined up at our makeshift barber shop in the Rec room. At twenty bucks a head, plus a tip, the barber probably cleared more today than he would have if he’d been at his shop. It was certainly all profit as he was using my roof and power.

Now, there is a deeper point here other than my desire to not look like one of those wacky- doodles on Duck Dynasty. My specific point is that the political candidates seem to be paying lip service to changing our criminal justice system. As pointed out before, and I’m sure again, the U.S. is big on locking folks up. In my case, and I’m sure many others, house arrest is the right answer. I mean you don’t want me locked up in the big house teaching a bunch of new fish the ins and outs of vehicular homicide of a fiberglass bee, do you? The results could be catastrophic for society. What you do want, is letting the punishment fit the crime with the best cost benefit to society. I mean hell’s bells, I’m paying for my own incarceration. On top of that, I’m paying taxes instead of eating everybody elses’ tax dollars. Sounds simple doesn’t it?

There are issues that would have to be worked out, like how the H.A.’s would get basic services like haircuts, and medical attention. I’ve detailed my trials and tribulations getting my teeth taken care of. Not the state’s fault I know, but at least with a House Arrest program, the H.A.’s would be taking care of their own medical expenses as well as any other personal issues like haircuts, pedicures and sunless tanning.

It’s a radical concept I know, but I see nothing but upside. The prison population would be reduced dramatically. Guards could be trained as liaison officers helping the H.A.’s readjust to their new lives. Prisons could be consolidated for further cost savings. The empty prisons could be designated Zombie Apocalypse centers like in “The Walking Dead”. Nothing but upside here.

I meant to touch on my fear of barbers, but it’ll keep for another time. I will say it involves my Grandaddy Lowe and what he called a “strop”.

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