We Plough The Fields And Scatter II

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Another cold day in the mountains and another near miss by the Whiz O Meter. I’m noticing that Channel 11 is running a byline that runs with their ads for their weather team that says they are “absolutely accurate”. I think if society loses all of their expectations for accuracy or truthfulness, Channel 11 has a winning slogan.

Maybe Channel 11 is taking their cue from our current crop of politicians. If caught in a lie, just keep telling bigger lies until the questions quit coming. It seems to work perfectly for the Republican front runners. How many times have we seen interviewers with a flabbergasted look on their faces as they try to unearth the truth from a politician? The interviewer continues to drill down only to be fed more hoopla. Perpetually flabbergasted is not a good way to have your news anchors look while trying to unearth the truth.

How do lying politicians and inaccurate weather forecasts lead us back to the services conducted by the Reverend Helen Handbasket at the new location of  The Full Gospel Original Church of God? Well, I can’t think of a way, I just needed to get in my two cents about inaccurate weather forecasts and lying politicians. I find that as I get older, I seem to not be able to move to a new point until I’ve cleared my mind of whatever it is that is bothering me right then. Not that there’s not plenty to talk about from the return of the Reverend Helen Handbasket to the pulpit after her “most embarrassing moment ever“.

When we left our story, the house lights had dimmed and the spotlights had been trained on the Reverend Helen Handbasket as she appeared magically behind the lectern. She is dressed in black robes with a red sash trimmed in gold. The spotlights play off of her hair and create the halo effect that I can see her trademarking some day. No, seriously, I mean it. Whatever the Reverend has got going on with her hair is as pronounced as the pictures we’ve all seen of the Ascension of Jesus with his head bathed in a halo. Seeing as how this is one week before Easter Sunday, it’s pretty good theater, whether it’s natural or not.

This Sunday is traditionally referred to as “Palm Sunday”, and the area in front of the pulpit has been decorated with palm fronds. In fact, the hardwood floor in front of the pulpit has been carpeted in palm fronds. I imagine that the old church, “the little church in the valley”, has palm fronds lining the aisles like it has for decades. My guess is that the Elders didn’t want to get palm residue in the new carpets of the new church. It will be interesting to see how many of the old traditions will go by the wayside at the new Crystal Palace. Fiery oratory doesn’t appear to be one of them.

The Reverend Helen Handbasket delivered a spirit filled sermon on the Golden Rule. In the most emotional voice I’ve heard the Reverend use, she stressed repeatedly the idea that we should “do unto others as we would have be done to us”. It’s not that I am dissuaded that the Reverend doesn’t believe deeply in the sentiment of the Golden Rule, it’s just that I think the sermon might have been the Reverend’s personal call to the members of the congregation that might have recorded her fall and subsequent exposure. The call was simple, treat those photos like you would want someone to treat photos of you or your wife. Only the most mentally challenged, or perverse, did not get the message.

Well, things went smoothly during the altar call and testament of faith. I noticed that someone had put rubber treads on the steps leading from the stage to the auditorium. Kind of locking the barn door after the horse got out, but hopefully it will prevent another over-exposure of the Reverend Helen Handbasket. There was an anxious moment when a pygmy rattler got loose during the testament of faith. It looked like the little fellow felt at home between the palm fronds on the floor. He was recaptured without incident, and Channel 99 in Blairsville got some good footage.

All and all a good show. I anticipated the Reverend’s move to the door for her “meet and greet” at the exit, and I skipped out ahead of her. It’s too soon for me.

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