Good morning, y’all. Ain’t technology wonderful? I got my story about Mom in Rehab loaded yesterday at lunch time and then did the cleanup before doing my story about Bruce Jenner last night. I think it’s a system that could work. I can certainly talk faster than I can type. Mulva says I can talk faster than I think.
Anyway here goes, it is January 13, 2015, and Mom is almost two weeks into rehab. Mom has decided she’s not going to let the trained medical people do what’s best for her. Apparently, someone told Mom they would probably have to put her to sleep to pull the troublesome tooth, and that sent Mom into a whirlwind. As I am preparing my defense for my upcoming trial I get the following email from Charlotte:
Lucinda Weezle just called Edna and said that Bud had called The Facility and told them that Mother does not have to do anything she does not want to do. And so Mother has decided to stay there now according to what Edna just called and told me.
Is that true, Bud? Did you call The Facility and tell them that Mother does not have to do anything that she does not want to do?
None of the Lowe family realizes how seriously mentally ill Mother is.They are in denial about her mental condition.
Also, Mother called Lucinda this morning, and Lucinda was going to come to Asheville and evidently take Mother out of The Facility and get home health care set up for Mother.
When I found that out, I told Lucinda, NO, that you and Jackson have Power of Attorney, and she does not have the legal right to do anything but go visit Mother.
The number of people trying to exert their own self interest is astounding to me. Lucinda is Edna’s daughter, how she got embroiled in the mess is anybody’s guess. Mom had called me and complained about being poked and prodded, she wanted to go home, etc. and I calmed her down by telling her I would get her out of P.T. that day. I didn’t see the harm. I responded to Charlotte as kindly as I could:
Was Lucinda listening to my conversation? How does she know about a conversation I had less than an hour ago?
It would be great if we could get everyone on the same page and pulling in the same direction. I called Mom to see what her status was and she told me of her toothache and how it hurt down in her shoulder, etc. She complained of them trying to get her to PT, and, of course, reinforced the fact that no-one wanted to get well more than she did. I asked if that was the only thing bothering her, and she said yes, that she liked the place, but didn’t want to be pushed and pulled into doing something she didn’t want. I told her I would call the nurses station and get them to lay off the PT until Mom was feeling better. She said “oh thank you, then I’ll stay”.
So everyone, we’re not dealing with her body, or her tooth, we’re dealing with her inability to make good decisions for herself. Until she can prove that competency, we will need to make decisions for her. I am waiting for the psych evaluation to see if it’s what I need to get a court order. I bought us some time. She can’t go home, and none of us will take her in, so let’s keep her somewhere safe while we work out the next move.
BTW, if we are disseminating information outside the immediate family (those listed above) we need to be very careful that we paint a truthful picture of the situation and reinforce the fact that everyone (those listed above) are trying to make Mom safe and secure and have only her best interests at heart.
Now, that we had turned away Lucinda, the question becomes how do we remove the other thorn from our side, Ann Wallace? According to Charlotte, Ann Wallace was arriving early every morning at the Facility offering to give Mom a ride home. I guess since Ann had not found the promissory note that she had given Mom in any of Mom’s belongings, Ann felt like she needed to search Mom’s condo. Without the paper, it was just Ann’s word against a crazy woman. Her motivation was quite clear, but what to do about it?
I had been in touch with the Buncombe County people about guardianship and had called an Asheville lawyer to see if there was any real point in using a lawyer to go before the judge. I got the half hour free advice from Ms. Alice Smotes, Esq. and when we got to the $5,000 retainer, I figured I had all of the info I needed. The kicker of the conversation, for me, was when she told me that in North Carolina someone can be determined incompetent and still be able to move assets from one person to another just by recognizing the property and the person.
Let me elaborate here, a person who has been determined to be bat sh*t crazy by Judge A, could come back before Judge A and transfer property to a new heir by identifying a picture of the property and a picture of the new heir. Now, I am completely baffled by the incongruity of determining a person incapable of making financial decisions for themselves, but able to transfer an asset that a trusted heir might be counting on for the care of the elder. And, possibly transfer the property to an heir who might gamble it away. How does a Judge say, you’re crazy about everything except this one thing? I saw the fine work of a legislature that determined the attorneys for both parties would do well at the expense of the inheritance. I decided to leave the lawyers out of it. We’d either get done what we needed to do by following our own moral compass, or we were screwed. I did find out that there is a legal term in elder law that applies to Ann Wallace, predator.
I called the facility and explained to the command chain that I saw Ann Wallace as a predator and that we’d like the facility to make it as uncomfortable for her as possible. They agreed to do what they could. I alerted the family to reinforce to Mom that Ann Wallace was not a positive influence and that Mom should work her program to gain her strength and independence. Meantime we are trying to locate Mom’s next stop.
The Facility can only keep Mom for thirty days without Mom being determined as being permanently damaged. When I say permanently damaged, I mean being placed in a wheel chair and then positioned to face the sunlight. Mom wasn’t there yet. Through multiple phone calls, and in person interviews by my niece Maggie, we located the perfect spot for Mom’s long term care.
Mountain View was first rate in every way, pricey but manageable. Between Mom’s Social Security and rental income we could cover her new digs without touching her savings. Mom could be as active or as inactive as she was going to become and Mountain View was capable of handling the transitions. Mom wouldn’t have to move again.
As it turns out, I’m getting new digs. I move into the Union County jail and start doing my time. On my third day inside, Mulva brings me the following email from Charlotte:
Mother just called me and asked to me take care of her day and night at the condo when she gets out of Rehab.
I said we need to take it one day at a time and see what they say at the Rehab.
I did not want to get her upset and have her going over the edge again. I told her I would do whatever I can to help her.
I just called Edna and told her, and she said to tell Mother that Maggie will make arrangements for Mother.
A girlfriend of mine in Georgia is taking care of her Mother day and night, and her Mother recently fell and had a big goose egg on her head. That is what can happen even if you do your best to care for someone who is not steady on their feet.
How many more days does she have left there at Rehab? When did she enter there?
I’m in jail and my sister is pre-explaining the knot she’s going to put on Mom’s head. Can it get any worse?
Tune in tomorrow to see.