Good morning, y’all. It is another perfect Fall day here in the mountains. It’s so pretty outside that I almost wanted to accompany Mulva to church today, almost. The drive to the church is one of the most scenic in these parts. The church is nestled on the side of a hill overlooking a valley with a stream running through the middle. The original founders of the little church found the perfect spot to bring people together in fellowship.
As it turns out, that’s one of our quandaries. Now that The Full Gospel Original Church of God is busting at the seams from the influx of new members, a decision must be made as to whether to stay or go. Literally, do we try to build on our existing site to provide seating for the burgeoning congregation, or do we seek another site? The congregation has managed to slap a mobile home down one side of the church to provide more seating, and I guess another could be added to the other side. It’s just that everyone believes these to be stop gap measures.
More and more of the folks that have been watching the simulcasts on Sunday on Channel 99 in Blairsville have decided to see for themselves what all of the fuss is about. Word is that once they visit, they keep coming back. Folks start queueing up for the 11AM service at about 10:15. This new reality has caused great consternation for the older members. Folks that were married at The Full Gospel Original Church of God, had their babies baptized there, and yes, had demons cast out there, feel like they shouldn’t have to jockey for the “good seats”. It is a dilemma the Elders need to solve before they lose their base. One of the options proposed has been to offer additional services on Sunday, like the Catholics do.
There could be a 7AM service, the usual 11AM service, and a 3PM service. Now, in my mind, this solution has a lot of upside. Some folks might be happy to attend the 7AM service, and well, get the formal proceedings over with. Then they’d have the rest of the day to do quiet reflection on their own. The 3PM service might fit the “hipster” lifestyle a little better, and we do seem to be getting more of these folks since the telecasts. Some enterprising young buck might put together a package for folks coming from Atlanta that might include, “Lunch with the Reverend”. I mean, the Reverend Helen Handbasket has got to eat anyway, why not have her show up at a local eatery and break bread with a bus full of folks brought in from the flatlands? Obviously, the Reverend and the bus driver would eat for free. There’s folks in Atlanta making a living off of Zombie tours, I think this idea has merit.
Now, to be fair, I do have to bring up the downside of the proposed schedule change. Like all good God fearing folks, The Full Gospel Original Church of God already has in place a 7PM service every Sunday night to just kind of tweak the earlier service, and make sure everyone is filled with the spirit before they start their week. The proposed schedule change would be basically doubling the Reverend Helen Handbasket’s workload, and I’m reasonably sure that the Elders are not going to consider a doubling of her pay. While the Reverend Handbasket’s feelings are of great concern, her feelings might not be our biggest issue. No one has asked the serpents what they feel about four shows a day.
We all know about the disastrous results of the serpents being asked to do back to back performances at the church fish fry this year. Are we prepared to lose another preacher like we lost the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread? I don’t think so. I don’t think the Elders are so avaricious as to “kill the goose that laid the golden egg”. So, if scheduling is increased to double the services, it will probably mean that a J.V. group of serpents will need to share the load. The Reverend Helen Handbasket has been busier than a one armed paper hanger, of late, so I don’t know who will do the wrangling of the J.V. team. We certainly want an experienced person for the job. It’s one thing to have a slip up in front of the locals, quite another to do it on TV.