Good morning, y’all. Well I chose this rainy Easter to try to be in two places at once, and was somewhat successful. To be quite honest, my DVR did half of the work for me. I did put in the time to watch the recording, so it counts that I watched two events that were held at two different places simultaneously.
What I’m rambling about is that I wanted to check in on the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread and his services this Sunday at the “Little Church In The Valley”, as it is being referred to. I have a special interest in the Right Reverend, as everyone knows, and I wanted to see how he was doing back at his old spot. I figured that his Easter show would be his best effort until Christmas, so I forego the opportunity to see the Reverend Helen Handbasket live at “the Palace”. I could DVR the Reverend Handbasket’s show and watch it after returning from the Right Reverend’s service. I figured I’d be hearing a lot about “rolling stones” this weekend.
Well, I was rather amazed at the look of the old church. They had taken a quaint little shotgun style country church and morphed it into something different. I’m not saying good different, I’m saying different. The two trailers added to either side of the existing church to expand the auditorium looked like a bad Legos experiment. The trailer that had been added first, on the left side, was white, the color of the church. The trailer added last, on the right side, was beige. I’m guessing if the Elders hadn’t found the “Crystal Palace” available they would have at least painted everything the same color. First impressions are important, as they say, and this little church had a face only a mother could love. I almost turned around and headed home. It was “dispiriting” to see the old church tarted up this way.
I had made a commitment to come see the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread, though. In spite of all of my misgivings, I headed in. Well, the good news is that most of the old fixtures were still in place. Granny Waller was front and center like the Rock of Gibraltar, or Ages, I guess I should say. Hugh Morris was in his usual spot, as if he didn’t go home from Sunday to Sunday. Constance Whiner was sitting off to the right side in one of the new trailer additions. I have no idea whether her exile was self-imposed or if her sharp tongue had lashed the wrong person. I’d follow up with Mulva later.
I could see that Bubba did have that hymnal memorized backwards, forwards and sideways. Forty years of church services five times a week will do that for you. Apparently Bubba had been pressed into service by the moving of the former director, Ophelia Bottoms, to the new church. The Elders seem determined to “deliver” the Right Reverend “from temptation”.
was leading the choir. There was no doubt that his deep bass voice made and excellent background to the choir. I just wonder who was giving him his cues. Bubba Hoakum is not known to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you catch my meaning.
I was somewhat surprised, and then not, to see Anita Goodman sitting dead center in the auditorium. She was sitting about four rows back from where Alva Bread sat with her brood. Sanctimonious me reckoned that the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread could look down the center of the church and leave both of his paramours feeling like he was looking directly at them. Since I was feeling a bit of the devil, I slid in next to Anita Goodman. There was plenty of room in the auditorium now with the expansion and the move of new members to the “Crystal Palace”. I could have sat in our usual spot, third row on the right at the aisle, but, like I said, I was feeling a bit of the devil in me.
After all, that’s why I was there, right? To cast the demons out and to let the spirit take over. Well, in spite of the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread’s best efforts, the demon was not cast out. The Right Reverend did put on a fine show, though. When he led the choir in “Up From The Grave He Arose” at the end of the service, everybody that could, stood. Most folks were already stomping their feet when the Right Reverend went into his “tap dance for Jesus” at the testament of faith. The Right Reverend did a fine job of wrangling the serpents, and I am happy to say that there were no altercations between them. I did notice that there were no serpents over three feet long, which is not to say they weren’t deadly, it’s just that there were no “big boys” in attendance. I will wait for the opportune moment to ask the Right Reverend about that.