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Battle Hymn Of The Republic

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Well, I don’t know where you are, but here at TackyToo, it is cold. How cold is it? I checked the Coca Cola thermometer on the outside of the Rec room and it says 20 degrees. Uncle Bud’s body says it’s much colder. How cold? It seems there have been reports that the squirrels have been throwing themselves at the bug zappers trying to warm up. That’s how cold. We are fortunate that the cloud cover moved out just in time to save us from another “Snowpocalypse”. If there’s one thing that will drop our little community to its knees, it is a little frozen precipitation.

But, like I said, the clouds moved out in time to give us a beautiful, but cold, day of worship. I stayed in Number Two to watch the service from The Full Gospel Original Church of God this week. I’m still feeling a little stove up from my tree adventure. The 21 inch RCA does not do justice to the service. It’s not nearly as impactful to be squinting at the screen, even if Channel 99 in Blairsville is broadcasting the service in high def. At some point we’re going to have  to break down and go over to the Walmart and buy one of those cheap high def flat screen TVs. It will be sad to retire the old 21 inch RCA, it’s been in the family a long time, but time moves forward, even here in Nunsuch, Ga.

Now, I know that the recent tidal wave of new membership in the church has been because of the high def telecasts from Channel 99 in Blairsville, and the visual impact they’ve had on the folks with newer TVs. There’s no doubt that the folks watching the telecasts would capture the other-worldly presence of the Reverend Helen Handbasket, and be compelled to visit The Full Gospel Original Church of God to see for themselves if the church was as spirit filled in person as it appeared on their TVs. From the weekly rise in attendance figures, the visitors are not only finding what they’re looking for, but telling their friends. Hence our biggest problem/challenge.

The Elders are working diligently on getting the former Mormon church in Blairsville, referred to as the “Crystal Palace”, ready for move in. Trades people have been there all week trying to get the “Crystal Palace” in shape. Reports are not good. Mulva tells me that the Mormons, but maybe somebody else, stripped all of the copper piping out of the church. Mulva strongly suspects the Mormons. Anyway, all of the plumbing will need to be replaced, and a lot of the wiring. The HVAC system will need to be updated, and the Elders are looking for donations of both time and materials. Most of the interior updates will be handled by the faithful working after their own jobs. The Elders have graciously conceded to provide the paint and brushes. It sounds like the “Crystal Palace” will be returned to its former glory, and all through a simple twist of fate.

One thing about poor reception, it makes you listen harder to the message. This week’s service was on Sloth, a topic near and dear to my heart. Now for those of you who don’t study the Scriptures with the intensity that I do, let me point out that Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. In Ecumenical circles, Sloth is described as “spiritual or emotional apathy, and being physically and emotionally inactive.” It is generally not considered a good thing to be lazy by religious folks. Some folks will even take the offense of Sloth so far as to point out that you are not taking advantage of God’s gifts when you lay about all day doing nothing. Fair point, I guess, and the Reverend Helen Handbasket drove that point in, time and time again.

The Reverend either has a personal vendetta against the Slothful, or it was a topic that she was real familiar with. The Reverend ran out of TV time before she was finished delivering her message. Channel 19 in Blairsville cut away to “their regularly scheduled telecast” before the Reverend wound up. No altar call, no serpent wrangling, just a cutaway to the next show. I’ll report the fallout from that kerfuffle as I am updated.

Anyway, I am amused that the Reverend Helen Handbasket took more than an hour to deliver a message that my Granny Waller handled with, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop and idle hands are the devil’s tools”. The message was followed by a smack to the back of the head. It always got me moving.

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