All Creatures of Our God And King LXXVII

BudLiteGood morning, y’all.  I’m sure that everyone who has turned a blind eye to the excess and evil that is the insurance industry in America was surprised by Aetna’s announcement that they were going to pull out of Obamacare because extending coverage to sick people was screwing with their bottom line. In truth, Aetna is just following through with their threat to pull out of healthcare if they weren’t allowed to merge with Humana. So I guess Aetna does keep some of their promises.

Speaking of truth brings us back around to the retelling of the history of The Full Gospel Original Church of God. Reverend Dale had just called Mulva Lite to receive the news from the new location in Blairsville.

“Tell me everything”, said Reverend Dale, “don’t leave out a thing.”

“Well”, Mulva began, “When we got here Channel 99 had a camera on top of their truck that was just filming the outside of the Crystal Palace.” “After a bit that camera just settled on the crowd of people that was watching the inside of the church on the big screen mounted outside of the broadcast truck.”

Mulva continued, “I’d guess that there must have been a hundred or more souls crowded in around the truck.” “There was no more room inside and the people were just trying to capture as much of the live experience as they could, I guess.” “I suspect that the people outside were hopeful that some of Reverend Helena’s powers might rub off on them, even though they were two hundred feet or so from the altar.”

“Are you telling me there were a hundred people standing outside in the cold watching the services on TV”, asked Reverend Dale.

“Yes”, answered Mulva.

“My God, what was it like inside”, questioned Reverend Dale

“Well, when the TV camera switched to inside the auditorium, the camera that is hanging on the guy wire moved back and forth across the auditorium”, Mulva continued, “It was kind of spooky, you couldn’t hear it or anything.” “It just showed pictures from all over and you didn’t see any camera men running around.”

“What was the crowd like”, Reverend Dale asked.

“Well from the overhead shot you could see it was standing room only”, Mulva said. “I can only imagine what the Blairsville Fire Department might think of the scene.” “People were packed cheek to jowl, and I suspect there would not have been room for even Granny Waller if she had decided to attend, and you know how skinny she is.” ” It was really, really crowded in the sanctuary.”

“Wow”, said Reverend Dale, “I can’t imagine that kind of crowd. ” “Tell me about the service.”

Mulva’s voice dropped a little lower, like the narrator of a story as she said, “The house lights dimmed, and then ‘poof’, there she was.” “They had this one lonely spotlight on her, and  Reverend Helena was standing in the middle of the stage with her arms reaching out towards Heaven”.

Mulva’s voice took on a more excited tone as she said, “Reverend Helena was dressed in purple robes that looked shiny like they were made of satin.” “Her sash was white, trimmed in gold, with gold tassels on the end.”

Mulva continued excitedly with her fashion report, “That gorgeous red hair of hers looked especially nice.” “You could just see the sparkles of light reflecting from the spotlight on her hair as she walked to the pulpit.” “When she got to the pulpit, all of the lights in the church came on and the choir began to sing ‘Are You Washed In The Blood'”. “It was magic.”

“What did the congregation think”, asked Reverend Dale, “was it too much show?”

“I’d have to say”, began Mulva,” that if there was ever an audience that was totally engaged from the get-go, this one was.” “I swear it was as if Reverend Helena had somehow reached out with her mind to send a message into the soul of each and every member of the congregation.” “It was magic.”

“How was the sermon”, asked Reverend Dale, “was it the same old Easter message?”

“You know, when Reverend Helena retold the story of the life of Jesus”, said Mulva, “you could see that the whole crowd was following with all of their attention.” “If Reverend Helena looked to the right to see where the stone from Jesus’s crypt had been rolled back, the crowd looked right.” “When Reverend Helena raised her arms to Heaven beseeching the Lord, the crowd raised their arms.”  “It was like watching the crowd drawing all of their energy from Reverend Helena.”

“Wow”, said Reverend Dale, “how was the altar call?”

“When Reverend Helena gave the audience a ‘promise of cleansing all of their misdeeds, a rebirth’, the audience absolutely heard her call.” Mulva continued,  “As the choir began to sing “Just As I Am”,  I swear the whole crowd rose up at the same time and rushed into the space in front of the altar.” ” There must have been a hundred souls crowded into a two hundred square foot area, and more people trying to force their way in.”

“I imagine she handled the testament of faith okay”, asked Reverend Dale.

“You wouldn’t have believed it.” “There were so many folks filled with the spirit of the Lord, dancing to beat the band, wherever they could find space”, answered Mulva, “people were rolling about on the floor just oblivious to the rest of the world.” “Truth is, the crowd was packed so tight trying to get close to receive Reverend Helena’s blessing, that the testament of faith was cancelled.”

“What”, asked Reverend Dale incredulously.

“Well, I can’t say that cancelled is the right word”, Mulva replied, “The two guys that are supposed to deliver the box of snakes to the Reverend could not get through to her.” “The crowd was packed in that tight.”

“Well how do you think the TV people are going to feel about that”, asked Reverend Dale, “that’s the most important part of the service.” “Believe me, I know.”

“Honestly, I can’t say that anyone should feel cheated by the change in the program”, Mulva answered, “Maybe Channel 99 will complain, we’ll just have to see what they say.” “I can probably watch the comments on the Channel 99 website and see what viewers think.”

“I’m pretty sure that the testament of faith plays better to a TV audience”, replied Reverend Dale, “Although, I’ve never had the experience myself”. “I’m sure that Channel 99 has got an audience watching the Testament of Faith that would never consider darkening the doors of an Evangelical church.”

Reverend Dale continued to wax on, “I bet some of those viewers might feel cheated by the loss of witnessing a woman wrangling poisonous vipers.” 

“Maybe, I know I don’t”, replied Mulva, “I just don’t know how you could top what I witnessed today.” “This was a Hall of Fame service, it there is such a thing for Evangelical preachers.”

“Well, thanks for the report”, said Reverend Dale, “I guess I’ve got the afternoon off now that the new church is open.” “Maybe I’ll see you later”.

“Of course you will”, answered Mulva, “Bud’s grilling two chickens today, and one of them is for you all.”

“Well thanks again, and we’ll see you later, bye for now”, said Reverend Dale.

“Bye”, answered Mulva as she went back to counting the collection. At the rate she was going, she might be eating her chicken for supper.


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