Good morning, y’all. While we all ponder whether the Zika virus is just the first wave of the Zombie Apocalypse, it is interesting to note that one state has taken exception to the amount of compensation hospital CEO’s make, and how it relates to patient care. Arizona is taking the position that officers of a hospital should not be paid more than the President of the United States, which is $450,000 per year. According to The Massachusetts Nurses Association, a CEO in a community hospital serving 100 people probably makes $600,000 a year. That $150,000 differential will buy a lot of band aids, or Zika vaccine. Not to mention the fact that there is only one PROTUS, and thousands of hospitals. Is it possible Arizona has gotten something right?
Speaking of big money brings us back to our retelling of the history of The Full Gospel Original Church of God. Wednesday Night Prayer meeting was characterized by a subtle shift in the complexion of the faces of the audience. It was clear that Reverend Helena’s sermon on racial tolerance had led to the inclusion of three or four more families of color attending the service. Elder Cheatum made a mental note to himself to have Mulva follow up with the new members for inclusion in the “volunteer task force”. There was no telling what gifts the new initiates could bestow on the church.
Prayer meeting went well, and the Elder was surprised at how much he enjoyed the stylings of Ted E. Bayer and the Love Fellowship. To the band’s credit, there had been no reports of any misdeeds by the ex-cons. In fact, most of the musicians had signed membership cards for the church and had given their souls to Jesus at the altar calls.
“The Lord moves in mysterious ways”, the Elder thought as he headed for the board meeting in the office after services. The board meeting now included Reverend Helena. Although she was not a voting member yet, Elder Cheatum felt that including Reverend Helena in the meetings would give her the feeling that she had an ownership in the church. While the Elder did feel a certain kinship to the Reverend that he could not explain, his overriding thoughts were for the future of the church. Losing Reverend Helena would be a devastating loss to the congregation, not to mention to the church’s finances. Bringing the young reverend into ‘the halls of power’ could only help cement her relationship with the community.
As Elder Cheatum sat down at the table, Mulva was finishing a story about her adventures in babysitting with the Bread brood. Reverend Dale and Alva were going out at least once a week now, and Mulva and her husband Bud were tasked with keeping the seven little ones breathing until their parents returned.
“Bud can’t figure where they’re getting the money to go out to eat and go to the movies if they don’t have the money to pay rent”, said Mulva.
Mulva paused and continued, “He gets really worked up when he sees the Ladies Auxillary delivering meals, and he gets absolutely apoplectic when it’s my turn.”
“Well, Mulva”, said Elder Cheatum, “maybe it won’t be for too much longer.” “If things go according to plan, we should be able to have Reverend Dale picking up the two services on Sunday, and that’ll bring the family a little spending money.” “Have you talked to Reverend Dale, Alvin?”
Elder Wiley looked up from his scratch pad, where he was drawing caricatures of people smoking pipes, and responded, “Yes, I did.”
“Well?”, said Elder Cheatum.
“Well, I offered him the two time slots, like we agreed upon, at the price we agreed upon, and bless Pat, he wanted to negotiate.”
“I just stood up and started to leave”, Elder Wiley continued, “I was half way to the door before he yelled he’d take it.” “I will never understand that man, or your interest in trying to rehabilitate him.” “I think he’s a lost cause.”
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins“, said Elder Cheatum.
“Matthew 6:15”, said Reverend Helena quietly.
“Mulva, let’s talk about something more pleasant, how are the Bible bookmarks doing?”, asked Elder Cheatum.
“We’ve gone through about eight thousand of the new batch,” Mulva replied, “and the demand seems to be slowing down some.” “I don’t know if that means we’ve saturated our market, or if we need to change up our ad so it is more appealing.”
“Good point”, said Elder Cheatum, “Barry why don’t you talk to Brother Dye over at Channel 99 and see if we can do three ads.” “We’ll rotate through them on a weekly basis.” “Shoot, we might even get repeat business with a new ad”.
“Will do”, said Elder Diggum, “By the way, I’ve been talking to them about our move, and there are going to be challenges.”
“I didn’t doubt that they’re wouldn’t be, anything they can’t handle?”, asked Elder Cheatum.
“No, not really”, said Elder Diggum, “but you’re going to be surprised at the solution.”
“Do tell”, asked Elder Cheatum.
“Well, you know they didn’t want there to be cameramen everywhere because they always wind up in the shot, and so mounting cameras was a good solution.” “The problem in the Crystal Palace is where to mount the cameras, and what to mount them to.”
The Elder allowed the group to contemplate the problem before he sprung the solution on them .
“We’re going NFL on it”, Elder Diggum fairly shouted with glee, “We’re going to suspend cameras on guy wires strung across the auditorium.” “The cameras will be controlled by a mobile truck Channel 99 is going to setup in the parking lot for the telecasts.” “We’ll have one or two cameramen inside, kind of hiding out of sight until they’re called on.” “The rest of the shots will come from the ‘flying cameras'”. “They’ll be able to look directly into Reverend Helena’s eyes, even though she’s up on the stage.”
While the group was catching its breath from the excitement of Reverend Diggum’s response, Reverend Helena was first to speak. “Well, I guess I better be sure my makeup looks right”.
“I wouldn’t worry about that”, Elder Wiley responded, “you always look just right.” “I do worry about the liability of a camera crashing down on somebody’s head.” “Who carries the liability insurance on this ‘NFL’ setup? ”
“I didn’t ask”, responded Elder Diggum, “that’s something you can put on your ‘to do’ list.” Elder Diggum continued, “I’m just thrilled that we took a real problem and turned it into a solution worthy of the finest promoters in the world.”
Elder Cheatum jumped in quickly to divert attention from the use of the word ‘promoters’ and the concept of promotion, “I’m just happy that the folks in TV land, who are housebound and unable to see Reverend Helena in person will have the opportunity to get as close to her gifts as possible”.
“Speaking of which, you must be worn out”, The Elder said as he turned to Reverend Helena, “We’ve got just a couple of other items to look at, why don’t you go out ahead and take the rest of the night off?”
“Thanks, I believe I will”, said Reverend Helena recognizing the fact that she was being excused.