Month: February 2016

Good morning, y’all. I’m thinking that if I threw a dart at a dart board that had numbers from 0 to 100 on it, I’d be as likely to hit a daily high temperature as the folks at Channel 11 do. Maybe that’s their system, I hope I’ve not released any classified information. While they did miss the projected high by a lot, there was also no black ice falling from the sky, as predicted by the weekend forecasters. As Granny Waller always says, “even a blind hog will root an acorn every now and then”. So I guess there’s still hope for Channel 11.

Of course the “blind hog” theory can be applied to a lot of professions. I think one profession/industry that has done more disservice to the world by ignoring the tools at hand, is the automobile industry. Now, before you think I’ve dropped third gear, let me elaborate. Most of the world’s ills are being rightly laid at the feet of the oil industry. Even our current stock market collapse is “fueled” by the drop in price of oil. Folks all over the Middle East are killing one another, and folks everywhere else are helping them do it, to get to the oil. Folks in South and Central America are suffering cancer rates and birth defects that are epidemic due to the oil industry pillaging their countries and not cleaning up the environment. Dirty air is everywhere, the polar caps are melting and according to most scientists, we are on the precipice of destruction. How did we get here, why did we get here?

Well, it seems that a very self interested man, one John D. Rockefeller, was the fellow who convinced Henry Ford to abandon his efforts on an engine that ran on alcohol, and instead focus on the gasoline engine. Other car manufacturers of the period were developing electric cars, even Ford, but they all abandoned their efforts when Ford started mass producing his Model T. We’re talking early 1900’s here, 1908 to 1910. Over a hundred years ago, the automobile industry had the capability that powers today’s Chevrolet Volt. Rather than following an environmentally safe path of electric, or even alcohol fueled vehicles, they were influenced to instead follow the path of environmental destruction we are currently on. Sadly, even the “father of electricity”, Thomas Edison, is tainted by this mess, as he worked for Rockefeller at the time.

So, how does a “hog” that is feeding at the right trough, get influenced to change troughs to a trough that is long term less desirable? Well, I guess I should point out, “hogs” are notoriously short-sighted. Ford wanted to be the preeminent car manufacturer, and he was willing to abandon better designed, more efficient engines to please his benefactor, Rockefeller. Rockefeller was willing to do anything to increase the demand for his product, even to the point of destroying other industries. Rockefeller went so far as to finance temperance movements to influence Congress to pass Prohibition, and thereby close all of the distilleries. Rockefeller’s ruthlessness has continued on to this day. Follow up on Chevron’s lawsuits in Ecuador and other areas in Central and South America to see their callous disregard for human life. John D. would be proud.

What does a world look like with vehicles running off of batteries recharged by alcohol burning generators? Obviously, a lot cleaner than we see now. Is the question that Americans can’t get past, “Does it really work?” Well, look at our train systems. Millions of tons of freight are moved daily by trains powered by electric motors. Can the train’s two power systems, electric motor and diesel generator, be more efficient than the truck’s one diesel engine? According to the Department of Transportation, a truck uses a gallon of diesel to move a ton of freight 59 miles. That same gallon of diesel moves a ton of freight 202 miles on a train. That’s nearly four times as efficient. Where did we go so wrong with our transportation?

To my mind, we ignored science, were “blind” to what science told us, and then piggishly pursued the same path, even after we knew we were wrong. With the electric car revolution, it looks like the public has finally “rooted an acorn”. Even though I love my muscle cars, I love my planet more. Here’s hoping we don’t get drug off path again.

Good morning, y’all. Cold again today, with the threat of ice, snow and general apocalyptic conditions forecast for our week. Channel 11 has taken the bold step of having the Whiz O Meter drop four points for a two degree drop in high temperature. A high of 52 degrees was a “10” yesterday. Today’s predicted high of 50 degrees is rated a “6”. With potential lows of sub zero, and, potential highs of plus 100, seems like the Whiz O Meter is going to run out of numbers somewhere along the way. It appears to me that an investigation of the Whiz O Meter numbering system is in order. Perhaps Channel 11’s news team could dig into it. They’re famous for holding the “powerful accountable”.

Speaking of holding the powerful accountable, I’m going to try to catch the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread as he gets back home today. He owes me several month’s rent for his brood, and I’d like for him to make an effort towards getting square with me. I have the advantage of knowing when, and how much, he’s getting paid since Mulva is secretary/treasurer of The Full Gospel Original Church of God. The fact of the matter is, the Right Reverend is making more now than he was before the incident. He’s working about three times as hard, but that’s fine. Maybe it was all of that idle time that led him astray before. “Idle mind being the devil’s workshop”, and all.

The Right Reverend has been assigned the overflow services that were scheduled to more evenly handle the load at The Full Gospel Original Church of God. The Elders have got him working at the Crystal Palace during the week too. Turns out the Right Reverend can handle a paint brush. I’d be tempted to let him work off his debt here, except I’ve already staked out the Rec room repaint for myself. It’s cold outside, and I need an inside job to keep me busy. I guess I could let him paint the outside of the Rec room after the temps rise a bit. That is, if he’s still around when it warms up.

Talking about warming up, the Reverend Helen Handbasket was fanning the flames of Hell so high today that I’m sure the congregation needs to put Aloe vera on their backsides. Today’s sermon was on “Lust”, and it was a topic the Reverend Helen Handbasket was highly opinionated on. Now, I can’t say if the opinions were formulated from personal exploration, or if the Reverend was just well read on the topic. Either way, the fire was coming from one direction and the brimstone from the other.

The Reverend Helen Handbasket delivered the entire message balancing on the edge of the stage to where the cameras from Channel 99 in Blairsville caught the light just right behind her, giving her that other worldly glow that has drawn so many to the church. Her voice took on a husky tone as she delivered the sermon, and towards the end, her speech pattern was in a sing song rhythm more usually identified with black pastors. I was wondering if she was going to break out into tongues, or be possessed, it was that transformative. When the TV crew panned the audience, there was not one eye that was not locked on the stage. Most were slack jawed, many with their mouths open. Even the Right Reverend Bread’s brood were transfixed on the pastor, and they are known for disrespecting the services. If there was a Whiz O Meter for services, and the top end was an eleven, this would have been a thirteen.

The altar call and testament of faith were anti-climatic. I don’t think that anyone in the congregation had the energy to make it to the altar, even if they felt the call. The Reverend Helen Handbasket had absorbed all of the energy in the room and spun it into a premonition that was so vivid that it rivaled Imax. All of the faithful could see clearly what their afterlife would be, if they continued in their lustful ways. The Reverend Helen Handbasket earned her pay today, for sure.

Speaking of pay, I am happy to report that I was successful in separating the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread from part of his. I’ll find out later from Mulva if it was the “right thing to do”. It feels right, right now. I hope the feeling continues.

Good morning, y’all. I feel like I just clean up from one Republican Debate Potluck dinner before I’m setting up for another one. I am at least encouraged that the turnout has diminished somewhat over the last couple of months. It could be the cold, it could be a premonition of buyer’s remorse. It is hard for me to cipher the minds of other folks. I spend enough time asking, “what was I thinking?”

Anyway, the food was good. I took the opportunity to let the Colonel do my cooking for me. They’ve been running unreal specials over at the Kentucky Fried in Blairsville this week, so I sent Mulva over to pick up five buckets of original recipe. Original recipe is my favorite, and if we had any leftovers I wanted to be able to grab a few pieces for myself before Alva Bread absconded with the balance. I figure the trip to the Colonel saved me about $40 over cooking a couple of pork butts on the Big Green Egg. Saving money and not being in and out of the cold all day was a big win for me. I was almost satisfied enough to overlook the abomination on the big screen. Almost.

The one area that the Republicans never disappoint is abominations. While eliminating some of the bottom feeders this round, Mike Huckabee and Rand Paul, the Republicans threw caution to the winds and also jettisoned their only female candidate. Now, if I’m truthful, I’ll miss Carly Fiorina like a long, slow, root canal without Novocaine. But Carly was the only Republican on the stage that could challenge Hillary Clinton to a cage match and not come across as misogynistic. Just barely though. The fact that Carly really did seem to want to get “physical” with Hillary was an interesting sideshow to the other misrepresentation of facts that she presented. Turns out the fake Planned Parenthood sting tapes were proven fake in a court of law, and now the fakers are in trouble. Without the ability to screech about selling unborn baby parts, Carly did not have a platform. Maybe the Republican hierarchy decided to cut Carly before she did too much more damage.

Anyway, I guess we do need to talk about who was there on stage and not just the outcasts. The pundits seem to think it was time for the three governors to shine, particularly if they were going to keep Marco Rubio from being the default “old guard” candidate. Two of them did, Chris Christie and John Kasich. The Jebber looked like he was trying to jump in, but he couldn’t gain traction. Poor Jeb, he’s like the rich kid that always gets picked last. Looks like training he got at home. Anyway, here’s my takeaways:

The Donald – Continued to bully his way through any challenge, avoided any straight answer with the patented, “I make deals”, “it will be the best”, “You’ve never seen anything like the prosperity I’ll bring”, “Obama is clueless”. It’s like watching Henny Youngman, once you’ve seen his act, there’s no need to come back. You’ve seen it all.

Ben Carson – zzzzzzzzzz. “Oh, is it my turn? I thought I was here just to be pretty, I predict the team with the most point will win the Super Bowl” I wish someone would publish a CAT scan of his brain. I’d really like to know what’s going on there.

Ted Cruz – has an addict in his family. Whoop-ti-do-do. He took a light hit for Carson regarding his campaign tactics, and passed on the opportunity to apologize. Having your finger on the button means never having to say you’re sorry, I guess.

Marco Rubio – the establishment choice. Everything, and I mean everything, about this guy is wrong. If I had a choice between my dog Butts, and Rubio, I’d vote Butts. Butts is definitely more considerate of his fellow man and has a much better grasp of the issues. Butts also knows when to shut up, and doesn’t blame Obama for his misdeeds.

Jeb Bush – surely this is his last rodeo. He attempted to go after The Donald over imminent domain and was shouted down. When The Jebber tried to defend himself, The Donald held his finger up to his lips and told Jeb to shush. Now, if the Jebber was a true Texan, he would have snatched The Donald bald at that point, but, it was not to be.

Chris Christie – if he were a more attractive candidate, would he be a more attractive candidate? I think so. He talks sense, he tried to get Rubio off of his “it’s all Obama’s fault” jag, and generally provided reasonable answers to the questions posed to him. I think he’s gone after the next primaries.

John Kasich – a nice guy, seems to be a “compassionate conservative”, and talks sense. Clearly he caught the wrong bus. He meant to get on the one called “Debates”, not “Babble”. He may survive until Super Tuesday.

Well there it is folks, same song, second verse, wish it was better, but it will probably be worse.

Good morning, y’all. Cold, cold here, but the skies are clear . The cold seems to have frozen the world famous Channel 11 Whiz O Meter at “10”, out of the possible “11”. The high is predicted to be 52, so I’m guessing the weather station is being run by polar bears. Compounding my confusion is the prediction that “black ice” will be moving into the area on Monday. I’ve never seen black sleet before, I plan on having my camera ready.

We had a petite emergency tonight when the lights flickered on and off just enough to set the generator going. The generator kicked on and started pouring power into the Rec room as designed. But then the power came back on by its ownself, and the generator did not turn off as expected. I was happy that I didn’t have to share date night with all of the tenants here at TackyToo, but perplexed as to why the generator didn’t work properly. I was torn between getting my hands dirty trying to figure out the generator, or letting it burn a gallon of diesel an hour until the generator’s brain figured it out. Thanks to President Obama, diesel is dirt cheap right now, but I was raised by the world’s cheapest man. I mean Daddy was so cheap he let his hair fall out to save on hair cuts. So I couldn’t pay for electricity from two different sources. If it came to it, I’d just have to shower again for date night.

Well, the good news is, the generator comes with a kill switch. Five minutes in the 20 degree cold led me to the conclusion I didn’t know enough about the brains operating the machine to attempt a fix. I punched a bunch of buttons on the digital keyboard, and when they didn’t work, I gave up. I hit the kill switch and the generator went down. I waited a minute and restarted the machine and it looks like it “rebooted” successfully. Now I can add generator mechanic to my resume, and I didn’t get dirty enough to have to take another shower.

When I came back inside, Mulva had already queued up this week’s movie and was waiting to push the start button on the DVR. Our selection this week was “The Theory of Everything“. The movie is about the life and trials of Stephen Hawking and his wife Jane. I found the movie to be a really good value to be in the Walmart $2.99 movie bin. I know pricing is all about supply and demand, so, I’m guessing there isn’t too much demand in our parts for a movie about a theoretical physicist, no matter how famous the physicist. While it took a minute to adjust to the accents, it didn’t take long until we were totally wrapped up in the story.

The story was presented as a love story, and I was kind of glad because I was clueless when they talked about the science. I also figured the relationship between Hawking and his wife was the most relatable part of the story anyway. How would anyone adapt to their partner being stricken at so young an age with such a debilitating disease? The movie sure made you count your blessings. To have one of the most brilliant minds of our time trapped in one of the worst bodies is a physical paradox beyond description. The movie did a very good job of answering the everyday questions the average viewer would have about how the Hawkings managed their daily lives. In fact, it gave some answers to questions that were more personal than polite folks would have dared ask.

About the time that the male nanny was introduced, I started figuring out that the point of view of the story was coming from a different angle. Turns out, the movie is based on Jane Hawking’s book, “Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen”. There are several situations in the movie that were kind of “soft pedaled”, particularly if the male had been writing the story. Learning that the wife wrote the story explained a lot. Not that any reasonable person would have acted any differently if faced with the situation, it was just that the telling was different.

The film was nominated for several Academy Awards, including Eddie Redmayne for Best Actor and Felicity Jones for Best Actress. Eddie Redmayne won, as he should have. I can’t think of a more physical performance since John Hurt in the “Elephant Man“.

I’ll being thinking about “The Theory of Everything” while I’m trying to divine the theory of diesel generators.

Good morning, y’all. Another cold, very, very windy day here in the mountains. As I watch trailers rock back and forth on their pads from the force of the wind, I am secure in the knowledge that all is well. Channel 11 has declared the day a “10”. Some folks say, “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades”, but I guess Channel 11 does not subscribe to that theory. In truth, the day is nearly perfect, except for the wind and the temperature. We’ll just proceed on like we don’t know any better.

There are many things in life that don’t bear close scrutiny. Clearly, Channel 11’s Whiz O Meter is one of them. Another is religion. I took a look inside of the belly of the beast of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the other day. It was not a pretty sight. The pictures of men with their families, where you couldn’t tell his children from his wives, was very disturbing. I will never get those images out of mind, and I’m glad that there are none of those folks in our area. Even the main stream Mormon’s couldn’t make a foothold in our area. I think there’s a group holding meetings in a trailer, but for the most part, they are not a player in the salvation market here.

Another non-player in our area are the Scientologists. I think they tend to setup where there’s a preponderance of rich folks, and, who can blame them? The original premise for their religion came from a science fiction writer, L. Ron Hubbard. L. Ron posited that if a fellow really wanted to get rich in life, he’d start a religion. He wrote a book called, “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health” in 1952, that detailed his thinking about how people should live their lives. The book went into great detail about how people could psychoanalyze themselves and be able to cure themselves without the aid of doctors trained in the field. Mood altering drugs were not allowed, but it appears that mind altering drugs were. There were also people trained as “auditors”, who could help guide people in gaining “clarity”. The auditors would use something called an electropsychometer, or E-meter for short. The auditor would strap you into the E-meter and give you a reading about traumas you’ve experienced in this life, and previous ones, to help get you “clear”.

Obviously, the AMA was not happy about the Scientologists practicing medicine without a license, and they went after L. Ron and his followers. After Dianetics went into bankruptcy, L. Ron reformulated it as a religion called the Church of Scientology. With tax exempt status, and free from the attacks from the medical community, L.Ron was on his way to stardom. All he needed was a population looking for something other than a “traditional” religious experience, and he would have the road to riches paved for him. Turns out the road was paved in gold.

It’s easy to see how a science fiction writer could formulate a dialog of Creation that would blend in parts of science, and parts of fantasy, to make the Genesis appealing to people who were burned out on traditional religion. The story of Xenu, a tyrannical ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy”, who brought billions of people to Earth in spaceships 75 million years ago, is a pretty good start for a science fiction novel. Or a religion, apparently. It gets weirder from there, and I encourage further reading.

What is more interesting to me is that the Scientologists don’t seem to have a lot of moral scruples when confronted with opposition. “Do unto others as ye would have done unto you”, does not appear to be one of their tenets. There are a host of misdeeds and crimes listed on the internet for perusal. I think the attack on the IRS stands out the most to me. Maybe because it’s called the “Operation Snow White” affair, which conjures up Disney and Hollywood. A religion infiltrating the government is kind of science fiction stuff, but I guess it’s just the Scientologists getting back to their roots. They’d probably get Tom Cruise to play the lead in the movie, that is if they ever wanted the rest of the world to know what’s going on behind their closed doors. Sounds like a real Mission Impossible to me.

Good morning, y’all. Clear, cold, and expecting some nastiness next week. I hope the buffoons at Channel 11 news are wrong again with their predictions of apocalyptic weather for next week. We’ve had highs in the fifties this week and the Whiz O Meter has been calling the days a “10”. I guess somebody’s internal body  temperature runs a little hot over at the Channel 11 studio. That, or they don’t actually go outside, ever. I suspect the latter.

To belabor the point, if optimum temperature for a human being is 72, then 54 degrees is 18 degrees off of that mark. Conversely, we could add 18 degrees to 72 and arrive at 90 degrees, which should still be a “10” by Whiz O Meter standards. 90 degrees is very uncomfortable in the South. More like a “6” on the Bud O Meter. I fear the groundhogs at Channel 11 are using their shadows to do their predictions, or more likely, a radar showing cloud cover. The cloudier the day, the lower the score. That would make some sense for their scoring methods. It’s always easier to predict an outcome when you limit the number of variables.

Speaking of variables, I happen to read Elizabeth Warren’s book, “A Fighting Chance”, this week. Let me tell you right off, the best candidate for president is not in the race. I am so impressed with Elizabeth Warren’s accomplishments and her dedication to public service that I’d start a fan club. That is if I didn’t mind cleaning eggs and toilet paper off of the clubhouse everyday. For some bizarre reason, folks around here will get up in arms to protect their oppressors, and I’m too old to be scrubbing egg off of the walls at Number Two. I don’t know why Elizabeth Warren brings up that emotion in some folks, but it cuts across economic lines.

Jamie Dimon, the billionaire head of JP Morgan Chase, would certainly be the leader of the mob of people hoping to remove Elizabeth Warren from any post of influence. What confounds me is how he can get people he has foreclosed on, the people Elizabeth wants to protect, to follow him. Well, they say a horse will run back into a burning barn. I guess folks like to think that the wealthy made it all fairly and deserve to have Congress give them the breaks and favors they demand. I don’t see it, never have, never will. I just know if we don’t find a way to fix the system, we’ll be bailing out the rich folks again somewhere down the road.

Elizabeth’s book is about her life, which all of us with humble beginnings should identify with. The fact that she had the gumption and drive to make something of herself should serve as an example to us all. The fact that she balanced motherhood with getting an education and a career is doubly admirable. I am so impressed. Whether or not she has Indian blood in her or not, I can’t see that the question should reflect on her abilities. She was a Harvard law professor when she began her work setting up the Consumer Protection Agency. I think the Cherokees would be happy to claim a part of that bloodline.

The Consumer Protection Agency was the dream of Progressives who felt that the common man should have more protection in their dealings with the powerful corporations. The average man can’t compete with the bank’s ability to hire cadres of lawyers to decipher a mortgage closing statement developed by a cadre of lawyers wanting to obscure the advantages put in for the bankers. One of the stated goals of The Consumer Protection Agency is a mortgage statement that is one page long, in plain English. How can that be bad for the common man?

Elizabeth Warren’s rise to Senator is detailed in the book. Her Senate run comes after her rejection as Director of The Consumer Protection Agency. The “Old Guard” and the bankers felt like giving Elizabeth the power of an independent agency to wage war against the vested interests was more than they could bear. Who knows how far they were willing to go to make sure that President Obama did not appoint Elizabeth as director. Maybe a Senate seat was the swap off. Don’t know. I’m just certain that it will not prevent Elizabeth from continuing her fight for all of us. Read the book and start to chant, “Warren 2020”!

Good morning, y’all. There were massive thunder storms in the area all night with high wind and lots of rain. We fared better than folks to the West of us who experienced tornadoes and other mayhem. I’m happy for the bad weather to stay to the West of us, or, to the East of us. I guess I’m weather ambidextrous, it can go to the left or the right, just stay away from TackyToo.

Since I don’t sleep well when there’s bad storms, I took the opportunity to watch a documentary on the big screen over in the Rec room. The Showtime Network was offering a free preview to try to entice us DirectTv users to subscribe to their service. I took them up on the offer by watching “Prophet’s Prey” for free. I kind of went into viewing the movie as a mildly interested party. Well, I can’t say I’m not interested now. In fact, I may have to figure out how to charge them for the counseling I’m going to need after watching the show. Disturbing kind of scratches the surface of how to describe the movie.

The “Prophet” in question is Warren Jeffs, the president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The “Prey“, were everybody Jeffs came in contact with, but most especially children. The setup with these folks is so convoluted and entangled that it would take an army of accountants years to figure out their land holdings and internal structure, which is not to say somebody shouldn’t do it. Jeffs put hundreds of people in slavery by confiscating all of their belongings and then taking their paychecks from them. Jeffs controlled every aspect of the followers daily lives. The initiates were powerless to move away from the church, emotionally and financially. Once Jeffs held all of the purse strings, he tightened down on the congregation until the aberration that resulted was way more cult than church.

Now, I’m familiar with a wide range of religions, and I feel like I’m fairly tolerant of folk’s belief systems. I never suspected that anyone could go to the depths of perversion like Jeffs and his followers have. Especially those who claim they were doing the “Lord’s work”. We’ve all heard about the Mormons prolictivity for multiple marriage, there’s even a “T”ouching “L”ittle “C”hildren network show called “Sister Wives“. While I’ve made fun of the idea of having more than one woman to “put up with”, Jeffs is recorded to have more than sixty wives. Now these are not wives in the traditional sense. Most of the “marriages” were not done in the church in front of the congregation, like we do. These “marriages” took place by bringing the bride to the husband’s room. Thereafter the bride was called upon when it was the husband’s desire.

As open minded as I am, I can’t see the pretense of a marriage to have sex with multiple partners as anything but hypocrisy. But it gets worse. Most of the “wives” were below the age of consent, some as young as twelve. Jeffs would reward a follower with a wife for the male’s undying devotion to the Jeffs’ program. Having a wife put the follower in line to have children of his own, who would then be used as chattel to improve the husband’s standing. This goes beyond the old “arranged marriage” concept of wedding families together for the benefit of both families. This is wholesale child sex slavery. Carried out right here in the U.S.A., in multiple states, in full view of the law.

One of the saddest stories in the movie was from Jeffs’ wife number 66, I believe. She was fifteen when brought to Jeffs, and within a year had his baby. Her life was over at fifteen. She told the story about how the cult believed that wearing red was a sin because Jesus is supposed to be wearing a red robe when He comes back. She related that she would purposefully wear red to tempt God to destroy her for heresy. She was so miserable that she truly wanted an angel to strike her dead.

Finally, the state of Utah issued a warrant for Jeffs’ arrest on felony charges of accomplice rape of a teenage girl between 14 and 18 years old. He used his many compounds and followers to avoid arrest. Jeffs even made the FBI’s ten most wanted list at one point. Jeffs was eventually arrested and convicted on two counts of sexual assault of a child. He was given life in prison.

Unfortunately his followers remain, and the patterns of child abuse still remain. Whether under Jeffs direction from jail, or vying for their own leadership, Jeffs’ brothers and sons continue the horror. These folks make The Full Gospel Original Church of God look like Unitarians. Please put me down as a secular humanist, albeit a fundamental secular humanist.

Good morning, y’all. The weather changes are going to be coming fast and hard the next few weeks. We’ve gone from gorgeous seventy degree days to a heavy downpour. Looking at the forecast for the next week, I see ice is predicted. Oh, joy! Mother nature seems to be as fickle as an Iowa Republican.

We didn’t do a potluck supper for the Iowa caucuses, although it would have been a bipartisan thing to do. I figured it would be easier, on me, to just let folks drift in and out as they had a mind to. It’s not like there was anything else on TV, and the networks seemed to be presenting the races as fairly and evenly as possible. Before discussing the actual races, though, I’d like to point out the sheer lunacy of the importance given to the Iowa caucuses. Less than 200,000 people vote in an exercise that is supposed to be a model for the over three hundred million of us that are waiting our turn. In what looks like a version of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Hillary Over, Iowans scramble around a room to determine the political fates of really good candidates like Michael O’Malley.

To me, it’s an abomination. It is sheer lunacy to place the importance on the Iowa caucuses that we witnessed tonight. The statistics bear me out. Iowans have been wrong more than right in terms of picking the respective candidates for each party. Turns out, Iowa Democrats are more liberal than the norm, and Iowa Republicans are further right. Iowans almost went for Bernie, and he’s got a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting the nomination. While there did seem to be a slant in the coverage towards making Bernie look better than Hillary, it was no more slanted than the coverage of The Donald. All of the positive press for Trump led him to believe he could blow off the last debate and not pay a penalty. Boom, Trump got thumped!

Contrary to The Donald’s self evaluation, there are some people who wouldn’t vote for The Donald if he shot somebody on Fifth avenue. That’s very consoling to me. A little less consoling is who the Iowans picked instead of Trump. Everything evil rolled into one package, Ted Cruz. I really do think if Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons” had a grandson, it would be Ted Cruz. I can’t think of a political candidate in my lifetime that was more smarmy, self righteous and less interested in serving the public than Ted Cruz. I’m old, I can remember Richard Nixon at his worst, down on his knees praying with Henry Kissinger, and I’d take Nixon over Cruz. Nixon at least had a passing interest in serving the public, in addition to his bankroll. Not so, Ted Cruz.

Cruz did deliver the best one liner so far in the campaign, capitalizing on The Donald’s complete unfamiliarity with the Bible. The Donald was showing his Evangelical chops at Liberty College and started to read a passage that had been picked out for him from Second Corinthians. Trump starts his reading with “Two Corinthians”. You just can’t buy that kind of gaff. Cruz used Trump’s flub incessantly in his speeches around the state. Cruz would wax in front of a group of Evangelicals, “I heard a joke the other day, ‘Two Corinthians walk into a bar,'”. As much as I dislike Cruz, and fear what he would do if elected, he is at least smart enough to mine gold when finding a nugget.

Cruz’s upside is that he is such a totally despicable human being that he should be easy to defeat in a general election. I feel the kids who are so strongly supporting Bernie would come out to vote against Cruz, even if Hillary was the candidate. Lest you think I’m just a yellow dog liberal and I’m judging Cruz too harshly, let me point out the support Cruz has gotten from his contemporaries in Congress. Zero, none, nada. Even the other right wing nut jobs don’t like him. Cruz is an obstructionist. He wants to dismantle government and leave anarchy in his wake. Anarchy except for those who can afford their own police and fire departments.

So, I guess I’m not as worried about Cruz being the nominee as I would be with The Donald. Let’s see if The Donald learns anything from Iowa as we move through the next round of primaries. Primaries that more accurately reflect America than Iowa.

Good morning, y’all. Just a gorgeous day, albeit a little cloudy. This is the kind of day when I can really get some work done on my honey-dos. I’ll give the painting of the Rec room a rest for a day or so, so I can take advantage of the pleasant temperature. When the temps stay under 70, I’m a landscaping machine. As long as it doesn’t get hot enough to where I feel like each breath is my last, I feel like I can pull my weight against any other octogenarian.

One of my honey-dos was to clean up the drain at the far end of the park and see if I could somehow fix it to where it didn’t clog up every time it rains. About 98 percent of the problem is people not keeping the trash picked up around the park. That’s one thing rain does really well, pick up the trash. For a real world example, go visit Bourbon Street in New Orleans, before and after a rain. Old timers in New Orleans joke that that’s the only time the trash gets picked up. I’ve traveled to the Crescent City enough to know that is not entirely true, but darn close.

Anyway, I’m headed down to the drain at the far end of the park, and when I walk by Number Fifty Nine, something looks suspicious, but I can’t put my finger on it. Since I’m in a hurry to get done what I can get done before the weekly service from The Full Gospel Original Church of God comes on, I put it in the back of my brain. I’m still pretty good at “background processing”. Even if it takes me a week to come up with somebody’s name. I know the information is stored away, I just keep digging until I find it.

Well, like the caverns in my brain, the drain required extensive digging. I eventually get down to the culprit, which is a license plate with an old timer Confederate soldier shaking his fist saying, “Hell no, I ain’t fergetting”. It has slipped through the gates of the drain and then flattened itself up against the drain pipe to effectively block the flow of water. Well, there’s no telling who’s missing a tag, and it could have been a visitor, so I just dig out the drain and head on back home.

When I walk by Number Fifty Nine again, it hits me. The tenants are Ben Dover and his wife Eileen. Turns out it’s Ben’s thirtieth birthday and Eileen has poked fun at him by ordering up a bunch of pink plastic flamingos for his yard. I guess on my first pass it registered that there was a preponderance of flamingos, but the riddle was not solved until I read the “Happy 30th” sign. I bet if Ben was turning fifty I would have sussed it out right away. I’m assuming this is a temporary condition and that Eileen will reduce the number of flamingos to a more acceptable number. If not, I’ll have to check the rules and regulations. We have standards to uphold. 

I arrive back at Number Two just in time to catch the opening hymn from The Full Gospel Original Church of God, and it was a beautiful rendition of the 23rd Psalm by the choral director, Ophelia Bottoms. It appears that the two participants of the most famous coupling since Space X hooked up to the International Space Station, are busily redeeming themselves with the congregation. The Right Reverend Dale E. Bread is conducting services at 9AM and 3PM to help alleviate the overflowing crowds at the church. The Reverend Helen Handbasket is conducting the “prime time” services at 11AM and 7PM. Choral director, Ophelia Bottoms is working all of the services with whatever resources she can muster. I would definitely say Ms. Bottoms is carrying the heavier load right now, especially since she is doing everything under the watchful eye of Alva Bread and her brood.

I look forward to the continued rehabilitation of the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread. Let’s be honest, he owes me a few month’s rent. Christian charity has its limits, or at least mine does. In spite of the Reverend Helena Handbasket’s sermon this week on Greed, I don’t feel like I’m out of bounds asking for at least February’s rent from him. Like my Republican friends always say, “first we have to break this cycle of dependence”. I don’t mind going a little bipartisan on that idea.