Good morning, y’all. I woke up this morning with the mother of all colds. I’m guessing all of the rain was keeping down the Fall allergens, and when the rain stopped, the allergens were allowed to roam free and do their nasty work. I guess getting out and doing a lot of physical stuff helped me breathe deeply of the pollinated air. Oh well, I guess I’ll just “rub a little ‘tussin on it” until it goes away.
The “rub a little ‘tussin on it” line comes from a Chris Rock routine. Chris is describing how poor his family is, even though his dad is still in the family and working at least two jobs all of the time. The family is so poor they can’t afford a doctor, even in the most dire of circumstances. Chris’s dad had hit upon a cheap cure for any situation, Robitussin. Chris does a fabulous job with the material, describing how he once fell off his bike and broke his arm. Chris’s dad is there extolling him to just rub a little Robitussin on, and to “rub it in deep so the ‘tussin can do it’s work.” Funny, funny stuff about a sad situation. Poor folks will reach out for any low cost solution for ailments. I’m going to throw the “laying on of hands” into the category of slightly less effective solutions than “rubbing a little ‘tussin on it”.
I bring up the laying on of hands because of the revival going on down at The Full Gospel Original Church of God. For those of you unfamiliar, laying on of hands is a practice of some churches whereby the ordained can ask the holy spirit to do works through the ordained for the benefit of the believer. It is a component of all evangelical churches, and is used at the times that are considered most effective by the church’s elders. Some churches will close every service with an altar call for the infirmed to come forward seeking help. Other churches, like The Full Gospel Original Church of God, will wait until revival time to do “healing en masse”. I believe the thought process at The Full Gospel Original Church of God was that nobody wanted to hear about Hugh Morris’ prostate problems every service. By relegating the laying on of hands to revival time, the Elders have a bonus attraction for attending the revival, and, they avoid the weekly reminder to the congregation that Mr. Morris still has a dribbling problem.
Anyway, the The Full Gospel Original Church of God was packed to the gills again this week and the line of folks in wheel chairs went out into the parking lot. It’s a good thing it was a nice day. It’s also a good thing that someone thought ahead and built a ramp for the wheelchair bound folks to use. I could see a lot of the ushers needing a laying on of hands on their backs from dragging wheelchairs up the steps.
Since the service was televised, and folks in wheelchairs don’t have the mobility one would need when avoiding snakes, the serpent wrangling was kept to a minimum. The Reverend Helen Handbasket kept everything “close to the vest”, you might say. The Reverend didn’t allow any of the fellers to roam free, or be handled by anyone other than herself. She did a fine job getting through the entertainment portion of the show with minimal liability exposure.
The altar call looked like that scene in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” with everyone lined up for their meds. There were folks that didn’t know where they were, but they knew they were going to get a miracle. To her credit, The Reverend Helen Handbasket didn’t make folks “take up their bed and walk”, like some evangelists do. The Reverend also didn’t cause any neck damage by laying hands so forcefully the sick were dumbfounded. All and all, The Reverend conducted herself well and didn’t go all Benny Hinn on anybody.
We’ll have to wait until next week to see how Mr. Morris’ flow goes.