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Jerusalem

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Cold, cold cold, but no snow yet. I am in great hopes that Channel 11’s Whiz O Meter is correct and that the next few days will continue to warm up. The warm air is also supposed to bring precipitation with it, and that’s just fine. All the bulbs I’ve been planting are going to need a good soaking to get started right. I just hope they don’t all start blooming and then get caught in a freeze. Well, you do what you can do.

Speaking of doing what you can do, Mulva came home from church today with two ideas that, just a year ago, would have been as impossible as Oral Robert’s 900 foot Jesus. It seems that the money has been pouring in to such a degree from the telecasts that the Elders are thinking that a move to the abandoned “Crystal Palace” in Blairsville will be a good idea. Now, I don’t wear a green eye shade visor for a living, but I do know how to keep track of numbers, and it makes sound financial sense to me. More butts in the seats will translate into more tithes, but more importantly, the move to the “Crystal Palace” will up the exposure of The Full Gospel Original Church of God to a very prominent place in our region. There would be some “soul satisfaction” in having our little group of evangelicals making it in the spot where the Mormon’s had to cut bait. It will also make the directions for the folks coming from Atlanta a lot easier to follow.

Now, lest I get prideful, and we all knows what happens when we get prideful, I would like to say that a move to a properly sized house of worship is something that the congregation deserves. The parishioners at The Full Gospel Original Church of God have endured a lot of hardships in 2015, and met them all head on. Let’s all be honest folks, when you’re strapping single wide trailers onto the side of your church to provide ample seating, well, it’s time to step up and make a bold move. Taking over the “Crystal Palace” will be a bold move on several fronts, but I think the congregation should take the step. These are good folks who have been loyal and true to their beliefs, and now that their group has come in vogue, they should enjoy the fruits of their labors. There will be a full vote of the congregation next Sunday.

Speaking of “fruits of their labors”, brings me to the second bit of news this week. The Elders have determined that the church is doing so well that they are in the position to fund the Reverend Helen Handbasket, and possibly a few Elders, on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. “Date” night might take on a new meaning for Mulva and me, if I can get free of a few prior commitments. Turns out, one of the Elders, Waldo Inacrowd, owns a travel agency in Blairsville, and is in a position to provide the “very best accommodations” at a “reasonable rate” to any of the faithful who might want to take the trek to the Wailing Wall. The first junket is tentatively scheduled for the first week of August, which is kind of the slow season in the Holy Land. I’m not sure that telling folks they don’t have to worry about “the Isis” because even “the Isis” stays inside in August in the Middle East, is a good selling point. I’m going to let Brother Waldo handle all of the details though. I’ll be happy to provide a link on the church website, if and when I get that done.

Speaking of the website, y’all will be the first to know, well maybe not the first, but certainly in the top ten. I hope to be providing a link to the new site on this blog in the next couple of weeks, surely by the first of the year. I hope the website will have as much impact as the Reverend Helen Handbasket, and without the threat of imminent death.

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Let’s Go Bowling

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Cold but clear today. Looks like rain is going to be in our forecast through Christmas this year. Now, I don’t have anything against a white Christmas, I’ve had a few in my lifetime. While a white Christmas looks good on TV and Christmas cards, the reality is a bit tougher. Keeping the grounds safe for pedestrians is quite the chore. Don’t need any “slip and falls” around here.

Anyway, if the good Lord is willing and the creek’s don’t rise, I plan on enjoying the season to its fullest extent. When I say season, I’m talking about the bowl season. Some of the minor bowls started today, and probably the only game that I watched with interest was the Cure Bowl, pitting San Jose State vs. Georgia State. Sadly the Panthers lost 27-16, but gave a good accounting of themselves.

Georgia State has been an up and comer, and the Tech hater in me desperately wants Georgia State to become the number two team in the state. It would be joy indeed if Georgia State could siphon off at least half of Tech’s recruits, the most talented ones of course, and leave Tech an empty cupboard. Georgia State also has an opportunity to make lemonade from the lemons discarded by the Atlanta Braves, with regard to Turner field. I’m really rooting for GSU to do well and become strong enough to hurt Tech, just not strong enough to hurt Georgia, of course.

Speaking of our Dawgs, who will be matched up against the Pedophiles of Penn. State in the Taxslayer Bowl, on January 2, it looks like the boys will be going into battle without a coach. Now, I know there are many among you who are asking the question, “and that will be different, how?”. I have to admit, I’m right there with you except for defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt. It seems like everybody has left Athens for their new gigs, and the head coach, Kirby Smart, is staying at his gig in Alabama until they win the national championship. I am an old man, and I have never seen anything like this.

In truth, I thought it was time for a coaching shakeup, and I am not going to mourn the loss of Mark Richt. Like the comfortable pair of brown shoes that have carried you successfully for many miles, Richt was a known reliable performer. But like those brown shoes, Richt had lost his sheen, and dare I say it, he needed to be re-soled. It seems like the University of Miami is going to take our old loafers and try to get a few more miles out them, I wish them all well.

My concern is for our kids who have been cast adrift while waiting for the new captain and crew to take over. I felt like at least with Pruitt staying through the bowl game that our defense and special teams would keep us from being totally embarrassed on national TV. Our offense was already a wreck, and if we had gotten close enough for a field goal, it might have been enough to beat P.S.U. I know that’s putting a lot of faith in the defense, but it was our only bright spot this year. I was looking forward to years of quality defenses under Pruitt’s tutelage. Alas, it is not to be.

Well, I guess us old timers know the only “constant” is “change”, and we’re just going to have to ride this one out. It looks like the new coaching appointees are qualified and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when all world quarterback recruit Jacob Eason, announced again this week that he is coming to UGA. If he is half as good as advertised, it looks like Georgia will have another NFL first rounder walking under the Arches. I can’t wait.

I feel like we have wandered in the wilderness for the last few years in our comfortable brown shoes. I’m ready to get these new shoes scuffed up. Who knows, we might even get asked to the prom now.

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Christmas Vacation

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Well, it’s cold, and it’s windy, and there’s frost on the ground. I could almost make my prediction that Winter is here, even though officially it is three days away. Tempering my pronouncement of Winter is the forecast for next week. Rain, and highs in the seventies. It’s kind of like Winter in the rain forest. A great time of year for Ear, Nose and Throat specialists.

With so much confusion going on, in the world, and here at TackyToo, I went in search again of a Date Night movie that would lift our spirits. I rummaged through my extensive stack of Betamax films looking for just the right mix of humor and Christmas theme. Is there a better choice than “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”? I don’t think so.

I admit, with moods as dark and somber as they’ve been around here lately, I could have gone with “Reindeer Games”. Who doesn’t love watching Charlize Theron? Ben Affleck would have been the bonus for Mulva. Santa Clauses robbing a casino is certainly a Christmas theme, but, since I didn’t know if I was going to be wrangling the Bread brood again this week, I went with the tamer “Christmas Vacation”.

Now when I use the phrase tamer, I don’t want to suggest that “Christmas Vacation” doesn’t have some of the most outrageous scenes ever committed to film. In fact, there were a few scenes in the movie that I thought, “Geez, I don’t know if that’s ever happened at one of our Christmas’s before.” I can certainly relate to over-wiring the park with Christmas lights and causing a blackout. Critters getting into the tree are kind of a routine event around here, but the Griswolds did a good job of making light of the situation.

I am happy to report that we were fortunate, dare I use the phrase, “Blessed”, to not have the Bread hellions in attendance for this date night. Just the old girl and me and a big pot of popcorn. It gave us the time to reflect on our Christmas’s past. Since we have a boy and girl, like the Griswolds, and in-laws that don’t get along, the movie was very relatable. In fact, I felt like we could have written some of the scenes ourselves. I researched the Betamax case and found that the movie was actually written by John Hughes. Yeah, “Pretty In Pink”, John Hughes.

The movie was based on Hughes’ short story titled, “Christmas ’59”. The film stars Vacation standards, Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo and Randy Quaid. Juliette Lewis and Johnny Galecki are brought in as the Griswold children. The film was released in 1989, but guess who is making the most money today? I’m going with Johnny Galecki at a million dollars an episode for the “Big Bang Theory”. Who would have ever thought a Griswold would have achieved such heights? I mean, without being physically blown up, which does happen in the movie. Another reason I’m glad little Devin Bread wasn’t watching the movie.

Anyway, the movie has a great role for Bill Murray’s older brother, Brian Doyle Murray. Brian provides the catalyst for Clark Griswold to go into one of his classic “nutso”, “out of his mind”, “why is the world against me” scenes. The scene results in the destruction of the Griswold’s Christmas decorations, and possible the Waste Treatment Plant off in the distance. The closing scene shows Clark smiling because he has provided a unique Christmas experience for his family, and all of us.

Well, I’m hoping our Christmas is tamer this year. It seems like we’ve had enough confusion in 2015 that we should be able to just live out the balance of the year in peace and harmony. If I need a little more adrenaline pumping I’ll just live vicariously through the movies. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” was a good start, check it out.

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The Domino Theory

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Temps are down to the freezing mark now that the rain has moved out and the cold front has moved in behind. You can almost tell the temperature by looking outside and counting the number of folks that you see milling about the park. Less than ten people means under forty. My unofficial Bud thermometer works at the other end of the spectrum too, where less than ten bodies means over ninety. Better than the Whizz O Meter, I tell you.

Temperature extremes mean more folks using the Rec room, so I have to be attentive to what’s going on over there. I mean, I can’t let a game of Boggle get out of hand and turn into an afternoon of septuagenarian homicide. Most people are packing around here, and they take their Boggle serious. I have to stand by and make sure that no one leaves the game with hurt feelings. Particularly if they’re going to leave and come back with prejudice.

I had a game of dominoes get out of hand a few years ago, and the lunacy of the two old geezers whacking at each other with their canes sent me into one of my “Bud’s Lights Are Out” moments. It seems that I use to be prone to going into these trances where I was, on the one hand, transcendentally lucid, and on the other hand, not conscious at all. I guess I can liken it to speaking in “tongues”. The lights are on, but nobody is at home. From accounts of the incident, I took the absurdity of two old dudes fighting over a game of dominoes and applied it to the “Domino Theory” of the politicians. Survivors say that my rant was “epic”.

For those of you that didn’t have to live it, the Domino Theory was the guiding light of our foreign policy from the 1950’s through the 1980’s. Simply put, the Domino Theory speculated that if one country in an area became communist, then all of the country’s neighbors would follow suit. Even to write out the principle now seems stupid, but that’s how it was back then. People were scared of communism, religious people in particular. For sure you can’t have people running around being nice to each other and getting along with out having a God to thank for it, right? More importantly, if you disrupt God’s delivery system, the priests and preachers, where are all of those folks going to get jobs? I mean, communism guarantees jobs for all, just not jobs as cushy as Cardinal or Pope.

It sounds like I’m picking a little bit on the Catholics here, but not really. It was one of their idealogues that eventually led the United States into invading Viet Nam and killing hundreds of thousands of innocents. No, I’m not talking about John F. Kennedy, although he did play his part. I’m talking about one Thomas Anthony Dooley.

Thomas A. Dooley was a Catholic, Navy physician that worked in Laos providing aid to the refugees there. Dooley worked as a spy for the C.I.A. and was encouraged to write a book about his struggles. The book was well received and not a Catholic kid who grew up during the 50’s doesn’t know who Tom Dooley was. Every classroom in Catholic schools around America had collection boxes for Dooley’s work in fighting Communism/helping the refugees. When he died, Dooley was perceived by most Americans to be the third most esteemed man in the world, following only Eisenhower and the Pope in popularity.

Nicholas von Hoffman wrote in 1969 that Tom Dooley had created “the climate of public misunderstanding that made the war in Vietnam possible“. Dooley had reduced the extremely complex issues of Southeast Asia as a battle between good and evil. Eventually the evil of the war in Vietnam War caused the American public to view Dooley’s moralistic anti-communism as simplistic pablum.

Simplistic pablum like the Domino Theory. Eventually we left Viet Nam and it fell to some sort of Socialist, Capitalist, Communist, Dictatorship that functions as a good neighbor in the region. Viet Nam’s neighbors, Thailand and Cambodia, are still ruled by kings, kind of the antithesis of communism. Normal relations exist between the U.S. and Viet Nam and you can vacation there anytime you like. Just be careful where you walk.

Unexploded ordnance, left over from the U.S. bombings, are still blowing up and killing people today. Some 42,000 people have died due to the ordnance left behind since the war officially ended. Carpet bombing, the gift that keeps on giving.

That’s something to remember when we listen to the candidates present their new “Domino Theory” as it applies to the Middle East. As you listen to our potential presidential candidates, pay particular attention to the religious idealogues, they’re grinding more than one axe.

I leave you with the words of my old buddy, Edmund Burke, “Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it.”

 

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Eating Our Aggressions

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. The rains have pushed through leaving everything soggy and foggy. I feel for folks who have to get up and drive these mountain roads when they’re all fogged over like they are today. I guess one of the perks of being “self employed” is not having to punch a time clock located somewhere else and fighting the traffic to get there. Of course, my current situation dictates I don’t have to be anywhere but here.

I’d like to blame my house arrest for my gradual ascent into blividity, but, truthfully, that’s only one of the factors. Certainly the abstinence from alcohol has had the largest effect. Now, I’m not saying that swapping a Bud Light at a hundred and ten calories for an apple is anywhere near equivalent. I’m saying when you drink a drink a six pack of Bud Lights, which totals six hundred and sixty calories, you probably missed the meal you no longer felt like eating. For example, the calories in two double quarter pounders with cheese, one thousand four hundred and sixty eight, plus super size fries, three hundred seventy eight, and a soda, one hundred eighty two, total to two thousand and twenty eight. I didn’t even add a fried pie for dessert, two hundred and thirty two calories. That pushes us to two thousand two hundred and sixty calories for our meal. Or four six-packs.

Now, in truth, four six-packs should be more than enough for a day, even in the worst season the Bulldogs have ever had. And, I just realized as I wrote this, that I may have unearthed a kernel of truth. I swallow my aggressions. Now, previously I was swallowing a lot of alcohol to aussage my feelings. It now appears that I am swallowing everything in sight to help me feel better about a world that constantly fills me with concern. I know Freud has got this all labeled and sorted out. I have detailed at length that I know that I have “Mommy issues“. I just need a quick weight loss fix for the Holiday Season, we can work out the details for a long term program after the New Year.

How did I get here? Well, I could make “Lite” of the situation and say I have a hearty appetite for life, but that would be misleading. It would be more realistic to say I have a hearty anxiety for life, and I soothe that anxiety by swallowing. The Republican Debate Potlucks are the worst. I’ve gotten in the habit of returning the potluck dishes to their donors after I’ve cleaned the dishes for them. Some of the leftovers I can resist, but others, like the widow Ferguson’s sweet potato pie, are going to be consumed. Donald Trump’s stupid statements are going to make me perfectly round if I don’t get a handle on the situation. Chris Christie is a life long Republican, have we found a cause and effect for his size issues? Anyway, when you mix the debates with the Holidays, I’m doomed.

Christmas is that time of year when even the septic tank cleaning company is sending out baskets of assorted fudges to thank you for your business. Food and snacks are coming from every direction, and I seem to be able to get my share and then some. I realize that I might not be able to fit into the Santa Claus outfit this year. It would break my heart to have to pass the role of park Santa to Al Katz this year just because I can’t fit into the suit. I’m pretty sure that Al is Jewish, so I’m not sure it would be ethical for him to be Santa, even though I know he’d jump at the chance. It looks like I’ve eaten myself into a corner. Help me Jenny Craig. 


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Picking Your Poison

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. The Republican debate potluck supper kind of slipped up on me last night. I guess CNN was advertising it around the clock, I’ve just tried to cut back my TV viewership. It’s not on Doctor’s orders, it’s something I’ve sussed out for myself. My blood pressure stays much lower when I’m not watching CNN. 

Fortunately/unfortunately I’ve got  folks here at TackyToo that are hanging on every word, so when the widow Ferguson asked about five o’clock why I hadn’t set up the table and chairs in the Rec room, I had to go into hustle mode. While setting up, I caught the news about the schools closing in Los Angeles, and not closing in New York. I felt like the news should provide the moderators with another view into terrorism, but alas, I was wrong.

Speaking of hustle mode and terrorism, how about that Lindsey Graham? I can use “hustle” in a variety of ways with him, but I’ll try to be the most positive. When you invoke Princess Buttercup in your condemnation of another candidate, you’ve crossed a line. Lindsey’s still using terrorism to persuade people to support his bid for Armageddon, thank God he’s still sitting at the kiddie table.

Could CNN make it any harder to stay on their channel while going from the J.V. debates to the Varsity? Don’t they realize I’m trapped in a room of neolithic would be Republican voters without anything positive to say about their candidates? Good thing we can always talk football. Finally the Varsity strolled out on to the field of battle led by their captain, Donald Trump. We’ll start with him.

The Donald – Never at a loss for something stupid to say, The Donald now wants to punish the families of terrorists, whether they were involved or not. He completely screwed up the flights of Arabs back to Saudia Arabia after 9-11, saying they were the terrorists families. They weren’t; they were friends of the Saudi Royal family and the Bushs. He seems to have made his peace with the Republican party and the other candidates. Having a majority of potential voters jump on board your campaign with every stupid thing you say will do that.

Ben Carson – First, can we have a moment of silence for all of the dead brain cells that have been lost in Carson’s brain? Former brilliant neurosurgeon, current shameless panderer. I knew his recent trip to Jordan would fill in all of his gaps in foreign policy, and in his mind it has. Dr. Carson now feels comfortable carpet bombing the Middle East, killing those same children he would have been saving a decade ago as a surgeon. From his God like perch he realizes that only a man of his intellect can be trusted to decide who lives and who dies. God, I’d love to get a psych eval on this guy. The wiring is crossed there somewhere.

Carly Fiorina – Proved why she kept getting fired from tech jobs. She just doesn’t know anything about tech or the laws that the internet are bound by. She does hate Hillary, though. Where’s the sister love? I don’t think Hillary hate will get her over the top.

Jeb Bush – failed to point out to Donald that the Arabs being flown after 9-11 were family friends. Sadly, the Jebber understands the Middle East and Arabs better than anyone on the stage, and his proposals are the most reasonable. I keep waiting for a question from other candidates about Baba Bush and Behrain. I guess at 3% in the polls, he doesn’t warrant the scrutiny.

Marco Rubio – I get the feeling that the Repubs are trying to market him as a “young conservative Jack Kennedy”. Well, “you, sir are no Jack Kennedy.” Jack Kennedy didn’t flop sweat every time he got on camera, ask Richard Nixon. Rubio seemed to think Cruz was worthy of his attacks, avoiding the other candidates for the most part. Does this mean the fix is in at the convention? Would the Repubs string along The Donald and The Tom?

Ted Cruz – what an insufferable piece of human offal. I don’t remember who coined the phrase, but Cruz provides the perfect opportunity to ask the question, “would you buy a used car from this man?” If not, why vote for him? That boy is a few bricks short of a load.

John Kasich – It must be so hard for him to go home and face his family after each of these debates. I’m sure they’re all nice people. I’m sure his kids are saying, “Daddy why are you standing up there making sense when it’s clear everyone else is lying and shouting jingoistic claptrap?” It would have been fun to see how he would have stood up to the Republican candidates of forty years ago.

Rand Paul – yes, he’s still my “a broke watch is right twice a day”. Crossed swords with The Donald once and The Donald responded by threatening to cut the stage shorter. The exchange was innocent enough. Paul had just pointed out to the world that The Donald’s proposal to “cutoff the internet” violated the first amendment. And, by the way, targeting civilian families was in violation of the Geneva Convention. If we don’t care about the Constitution, or international treaties, elect Trump. The best one liner of the night though was after Chris Christie promise to rain fire on the Middle East, Paul said “I think if you’re in favor of World War III, you have your candidate”. Pretty funny. 

Chris Christie – took his supper at the adult table, and it looked like he has not missed an opportunity to eat since the last debate. If this keeps up, they’ll have to wheelbarrow him out at the next debate. Still the best politician on the stage though. Thank God he doesn’t have a chance.

I’m going to shower until I run out of hot water or soap, which ever comes first. I’m sure I still won’t feel clean.

 

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Breathe Deeply

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. I do love the smell of the mountain air after the rain has come through and washed all of the crud out of it. I guess crud is a very non-technical term, but y’all know what I mean. Sometimes the air gets so thick up here you could cut it with a knife, and it ain’t even our pollution I’m breathing. Our bad air comes from the South and the West. Georgia Power, keeping the Smokey Mountains smokey, since 1902.

Now, in truth, I don’t have a problem with bunches of people living close together in cities and needing all of the services that folks have come to expect. I guess there are certain efficiencies in packing a jilllion people together like New York City or Boston. Sprawling cities like Atlanta are a different issue, though. Up North the power lines travel less distance and are underground. Dare I say it, the way they do things up North is a far more efficient system than what we have in the South and West. In the South and West we see miles and miles of above ground wires that require more infrastructure to keep running. More infrastructure means more costs. To keep costs lower, the power companies say they are forced to use the cheapest fuel. The cheapest fuel is coal; unless you add in the complete destruction of the planet, and then coal is not quite as attractive. I get that the U.S. is the Saudia Arabia of coal, but just because you’ve got a lot of something doesn’t mean that something, is a good thing.

Now, I’ve chosen to bring this topic up for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I like breathing clean air. More importantly, I want my grandson Trey to be able to breathe clean air, and all of the succeeding generations of Lites. I’d like for future Lites to not be born with sinusitis and not have to suffer bronchitis as they get older. I’d like for Trey to be able to climb to the top of Brasstown Bald and see as far as Carolina in one direction and Atlanta in the other. I’d like for Trey to be able to visit the Maldives while they’re still above water, and visit Beijing, China without an aqualung. Continuing to burn coal is just not going to provide the future I want for my progeny, and yes, I do think we bear a responsibility to future generations.

If not coal, what? Well, the folks that matter just met in Paris, France to discuss just that point. It seems a good time was had by all, except for the Arabs. Seems OPEC is going to be going through some hard times along with the coal folks. Ironically, some of the Arab countries have already been proactive and have been harvesting the other resource that they have in abundance, sunlight. Good on them. For the rest of the world there is going to be a transition to renewable resources while we wean ourselves from fossil fuels.

A plan has been developed where the entire world can be using clean energy by 2050. Now, I’ll be a hundred, or dead, by 2050, but Trey will be in his forties. Trey’s kids will be in their teens and those great grandchildren will have the opportunity to live out their days with clean air, if we adopt this plan. Why would any parent not wish this for their future?

From what I’ve seen and read, this is the future that President Obama wants for his kids. It appears that the President has worked tirelessly against the old guard of fossil fuel exploiters to try to provide a safe, clean future for his descendants. Not only does the plan provide clean air, but millions of jobs in clean industries. No one would be a coal miner by choice, believe me. Catching the wind as it comes across the Kentucky hills is going to do far more for Kentucky than coal ever did.

I think I’ll just take as deep a breath as I can and declare in my loudest voice, “I’m fer it!”

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Joyful, Joyful

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. I had to roll out early this morning so I could get my gardening done ahead of the rain. I look forward to a little precipitation, just don’t need the gully washers that we had this Summer to return. I just got our emergency raft deflated and put back in the tool shed. I don’t look forward to blowing that sucker up again any time soon.

Well, if we were going to talk about something that doesn’t need blowing up, The Full Gospel Original Church of God, qualifies. The Full Gospel Original Church of God has blown up like a bag of potato chips in a microwave. The church appears to be covering the mountains like the kudzu. It is growing in every nook and cranny of these hills and even creeping towards the flatlands of Atlanta.

Mulva reports that she’s had folks stop her in the Walmart because they’ve seen her on the telecast on Channel 99 in Blairsville. Mulva’s stardom has come about because she’s had to adopt somewhat of a more high profile role at the church. Since the choir director, Ms. Ophelia Bottoms, has been part of the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread’s downfall, Mulva’s been filling in. Mulva’s not getting much camera time, just when she gets up to lead the choir, but apparently being framed in the same shot as the Reverend Helen Handbasket is enough for  folks to assume that Mulva is someone important, or sanctified. I told Mulva to let me know when someone asked for a Healing, cause we were going to setup shop.

Speaking of setting up shop, the search committee has reported that the abandoned Mormon church in Blairsville, referred to as the the Crystal Palace, is available for lease at a reasonable rate. The church seats two hundred in its current configuration, and could be easily expanded if the trend continues. The Elders see no reason for the trend to not continue. In fact, the Elders have approached the rise of the Reverend Helen Handbasket as somewhat of a “second coming”, just without Jesus and all. It’s like the Elders are ahead of the curve for the first time ever. The Full Gospel Original Church of God is on the verge of going from a little backwoods church to “Super Church”. The Elders are handling each move like a Microsoft release, except with better results.

If I believed in “divine inspiration”, I’d say we’ve got a real life example of it with how the Elders are handling each and every detail of the church’s business. I’ve known these folks all of their lives and the fact that they can now take a very niche product and make it a household commodity is worthy of the highest praise. I mean, if these fellows worked for Coca Cola, we’d all be drinking New Coke. That’s how well they’ve taken the ball and run with it. The fact that they are in the mountains of North Georgia and getting their message out over a UHF channel tied to local cable, is amazing. The word of mouth has been phenomenal too, and illustrates too well how everyone in the mountains is somebody’s kin.

The Elders have handled the expansion so well that it has made their first foray into the internet somewhat inconsistent with their other decisions. Bud Lite has been asked to setup a website for The Full Gospel Original Church of God. How crazy is that? I mean, I get that the price would be right. Mulva would see to it that my services would be gratis, even if I was out of pocket for the domain and server use. For sure they could count on Mulva to keep control of the content, I wouldn’t be throwing up any discussion boards to talk about predestination. There just seems to be something more here. There’s lots of professionals that would do a much better job. Not for free mind you, but the church is kind of rolling in the cash right now.

Choosing a heathen to expand your message, just to save money, doesn’t sound like a decision that is consistent with the other “inspired” decisions they’ve made so far. I suspect Mulva’s fine hand in all of this. She has long been a believer in the phrase, “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, idle hands are the devil’s tools”. I guess she’s anticipating me having more “idle” time. We’ll see.

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Life Without Football

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. I do seem like a commercial for the Nunsuch, Georgia Chamber of Commerce, but it has just been gorgeous here in the mountains. I can’t remember a more pleasant Fall. We’re two weeks from the first day of Winter, if you can imagine that. Temps in the seventies and a cloudless sky.

Fall has always been my favorite time of year. The weather plays a part, but football is the main reason I can’t wait for the turning of the leaves. I guess I better qualify, college football. I’ve lost my taste for the pros. Being a Falcons fan will do that to you. The current ownership of the Falcons has left me following the Patriots, which I know is weird. I do follow my Bulldog alumnae, and I’m happy that there’s one on the Patriots, so I can justify that interest. I’d hate to be thought of as one of those guys who just picks the best team as his favorite.

It is funny that what was once an obsession for me from the 60’s through 2000’s has become a “passing interest”. Certainly the obsession for new stadiums by the team owners has left me cold. The idea that you could take a twenty year old building and blow it up to salve the ego of a rich guy, seems so wrong  to me. It just seems to me that you could have a cage match with Jerry Jones and Arthur Blank to determine the “greatest owner”, or whatever the title would be, and leave the public out of it. Taking tax funds that should go to rebuilding our cities infrastructures and padding the NFL owner’s coffers with them is so wrong. Of course, if the cities don’t do what the rich kids want them to do, the rich kids will just take their bat and ball and move to another city. The rich kids know how the game is played. Only one franchise, Green Bay, has managed to keep their team out of the hands of a self interested individual. Go Pack!

The NFL is a massive industry, spending billions of dollars to capture the interest of what they hope will someday be a world wide market. Games are now being played in Europe to try to get a foothold for a worldwide viewership. Is there a chance that the NFL could be cannibalized like back in the old days of the AFL, or the USFL, to establish a European Football League? Not bloody likely, as the Brits say. Soccer, or “football” as they call it in the rest of the world, is the dominant sport for billions worldwide. Soccer fans are passionate beyond belief, and they are everywhere. Drop a soccer ball in Timbuktu or Shangri La and the kids will know what to do with it, and all of them will participate, not just the biggest and fastest.

Bigger and faster is what will bring about the end of football as we know it. The greed heads are killing Pro football, now. Profits over player safety has always been the rule. Anyone who has ever been told to “shake it off” knows what I mean. The long term effects of two bodies colliding at thirty miles an hour will bring about the end of college football. Once the college farm system has been curtailed, the NFL will become arena football with a World Wide Wrestling vibe. Why am I predicting such a dour outcome for America’s favorite sport?

The average lifespan of an NFL player is 58. Think about that. The average lifespan of your everyday couch potato is 76, but he will outlive the finely tuned NFL athlete by 18 years. Seems atypical, doesn’t it? Hundreds of miles run, millions of pounds lifted, and dead before you can collect Social Security. Obviously changing the rules is in order, and in fact, is ongoing. What’s not clear is when we will go from football to rugby, or eventually soccer? Football without the violent impacts is rugby, so I’m not crawling out on a limb here.

I don’t look forward to life without college football, but I do see the day coming. I won’t miss the Falcons one bit.

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Gremlins

BudLiteGood morning, y’all. Another gorgeous day in the mountains. I believe the temp will rise to as high as the 70’s this weekend. It’s like we’re having Miami type weather in the mountains of North Georgia. Like I said, I’m not sure about Global Warming, but I’m dang sure about Georgia Warming. It’s real, I’ve got the dead pine trees to prove it.

Why I bring up dead pine trees is because of a plague we didn’t even know we had before “Georgia Warming”. Seems there’s these little beetles that burrow under the bark of pine trees and damage the trees from inside. In days long gone by, the weather got cold enough to freeze the little buggers to death, and their destruction was kept to a minimum. Not anymore. Now the little devastators just eat year round and cause the bark to fall from the tree, which of course, kills the tree. Apparently the only solution is to cut down the infected tree and everything around it for fifty feet or so. A major pain in the rear caused by an itty-bitty little critter.

Speaking of little critters that cause major havoc, I chose “Gremlins” as our date night movie this week. I was looking for a fun movie, kind of Christmasy, and something that didn’t require a lot of thought to cypher out. I was looking through my extensive Betamax collection, and “Gremlins” just jumped out at me. Turns out, it was just the ticket for entertaining some guests that I didn’t know I was going to be entertaining.

Mulva invited the Bread brood to our date night. Well, I guess invited is not the right phrase. Alva Bread asked Mulva to keep the kids while she and her husband, the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread tried to straighten things out. In the spirit of Christian charity, and getting paid back the money they owe me, I agreed to provide entertainment for the little hellions while the parents tried to plot a course that would, I hoped, take them out of my life.

Popcorn was popped, juice boxes provided, and the little monsters were arrayed in front of the big screen in the Rec room. From the opening credits, we knew we had a hit with the kids. I’m guessing the deep voice of Hoyt Axton reminded the kids of their own dad, and so they watched the movie with rapt attention. Let’s face it, the little Mogwais kept the Bread brood glued to the screen. Even an old timer like me is fascinated with the workings of the Mogwais, and everybody loved the relationship between Billy and Gizmo, the good Gremlin.

By the time we discovered there were “good” Gremlins and “bad” Gremlins, the youngest of the Bread bunch had nodded off. The oldest three Breads made it to the final scene, and thankfully, they managed to make it without asking questions every six seconds. In fact, Devin, the oldest, seemed to be making notes. I don’t know whether to be concerned that Devin views “Stripe”, the leader of the bad gremlins, as a role model or not. As I’ve previously pointed out, Devin should be under constant surveillance. I’m just glad we don’t have any stair case elevator chairs in TackyToo. I can see a real potential liability there.

“Gremlins” came out in 1984, and was produced by Stephen Spielberg. The film’s main stars were Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates. Comedian and all around crazy guy, Howie Mandel, was the voice of Gizmo. Look close and you see one of the Coreys. The movie was an hour and a half or so of non-stop action. It was a great warm up to the Christmas season, and I’m not talking about the fire in the bar.

We happily turned the little monsters back in to their mother without any conversation. I’m guessing the Right Reverend is going to lay low for awhile, which suits me just fine. I’ve got all I can do to keep up with his demon seed, Damian, I mean Devin. I guess I’ll be spending the next couple of hours making sure all of our insurance policies are up to date.

“Gremlins”, check it out, it’ll put you in the Christmas spirit.