Month: November 2015

Good morning, y’all. Finally, a little sunshine. The ground water is draining off, but I’m not ready to let the air out of my raft yet. Weekend forecast is for more rain, so I’ll just use the next couple of days to do a few chores around here at TackyToo. I’ll use this time to dig up and relocate some of my perennials. I can take advantage of the coming rain storms to help get them adjusted to their new locations.

Speaking of digging things up puts me in mind of one of the phrases of one of my favorite writers, Molly Ivins. Molly use to cover politics from Austin, Texas and was one of the most gifted, insightful writers I’ve ever read. The fact that she used humor to skewer the politicians was a double bonus for me. One of the phrases that Molly used to describe the actions of a politician who had gotten in deeper to a situation than was prudent was, “Poor old so and so, he’s forgotten the first rule of holes; when you’re in one, quit digging.” Molly made her point with the simple logic that everyone could understand. She applied the logic with warm hearted humor that made even the roasted politicians laugh at themselves. Molly Ivins was a national treasure in a state that was diametrically opposed to her politically. I miss her.

In the spirit of Molly Ivins, I’d like to say to Dr. Ben Carson, “quit digging”. Trying to figure out which hole Dr. Carson is in at this point in time is a bit of a guess, since he’s been digging a new one about every hour for the last few days. In case you haven’t caught the news in the last few days, I know a lot of satellite dishes have malfunctioned because of the weather, I’ll hit a few of Dr. Carson’s highlights.

1. Admitted to attempted murder. Don’t know what the statue of limitations is here, but Dr Carson claims in his misspent youth he once took a hunting knife and tried to stab to death his best friend. Since the telling of that story he has changed the victim to a family member, who now wants to remain anonymous. Story line is that Dr. Carson’s plunge to his friend’s abdomen was thwarted by a big belt buckle. The force of the blow shattered the knife, thereby preserving Dr. Carson’s future of using small knives on people.

2. Admitted to attempted matricide. Again, I don’t know what the statue of limitations is here, but Dr. Carson claims to have wanted to off his Mom with a claw hammer. The argument centered around clothing. Maybe it was Dr. Carson’s first attempt at joining the “hoodie” culture. I’m sure his Mom will give him a pass.

3. Claims he was offered a full scholarship to West Point. West Point has no record of Ben Carson applying. Maybe the required sponsor for all military academy appointments can come forward and clear up the story. Who was Dr. Carson’s congressman at the time?

4. Released a rap campaign song. No, really, Dr. Carson has released a rap campaign song, featuring that famous hip hop artist, Ben Carson. I’m betting he wore that treasured symbol of neurosurgeons everywhere, the hoodie, while he laid down the tracks to his chart buster. I am by no means an expert, but I believe I could have put together a better tune using The Tacky Ones.

I don’t know how to suss through all of this. How does a self hating black man decide he now wants to pick up the black vote? Does Carson think that blacks should vote for Carson just because he’s now coming out as a brother? Have we ever had a presidential candidate that has admitted to attempted murder? It seems like that would fall under the “DO NOT EVER” rules 1-10 from your campaign adviser. It reminds me of Edwin Edwards who once said, “The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy”. Unlike Ben Carson, Edwin Edwards knew he was supposed to avoid those conditions, not embrace them.

The best I can come up with is a saying that Granny Waller used to describe folks that had slipped into dementia, “He don’t got all what belongs to him.” As a yellow dog Democrat let me say, “please, please, please let Ben Carson be the Republican nominee”.

Good morning, y’all. I’ve got my raft tied up here to the steps of our little home at Number Two. It’s floating on about half an inch of water, which is all ground water at this point. I’ve been good about keeping our drains free from the debris that all of this rain has caused to be moved from its previous resting spot. Blocked drains will cause a quicker evacuation here at TackyToo than a sheriff’s order to vacate. Nobody likes sharing their bedroom with the critters and snakes looking for high ground in a flood situation.

Speaking of sharing bedrooms, we’ve had a bit of a revelation on the goings on of the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread and his paramour, the choir director Ophelia Bottoms. It seems that they are looking for acceptance from the community and have started showing themselves all around town. There have been so many sightings lately of, “Bread and Bottoms” that it’s been hard to keep track. It’s a shame we can’t make a cute name like “Bennifer” for the couple, “Dalephelia”  just doesn’t have the same feel. “Bread and Bottoms” will have to do.

I took the opportunity to watch this week’s church broadcast in the Rec room, since I was the only fool willing to brave the elements. Even at a safe distance from the festivities, I could feel the tension in The Full Gospel Original Church of God pulsing over the airwaves in the Channel 99 broadcast. “Bread and Bottoms” had decided to take the opportunity of this week’s revival service to sit together in church. Since the Right Reverend Dale E. Bread had been relieved of his duties by the Reverend Helen Handbasket, and the choir duties had been passed to Ted E. Baer and His Love Fellowship for the revival, the couple had the opportunity to watch the service together. On the surface, it seemed like a simple way of asking for acceptance from the community of their relationship. Well, nothing in love or nuclear fusion is ever simple.

The church was packed to the rafters again, in spite of the rain. Whether by design, or the conditioning of always arriving at church ahead of the congregation, “Bread and Bottoms” arrived at church early enough to secure a front and center seat in the middle pew. As previously mentioned, there has been some backbiting amongst the faithful as to who gets to sit in the prime real estate since the services are being televised. Without a word from Mulva, I was able to figure out that front and center was not where the Elders would want “Bread and Bottoms” displayed. As things turned out, the Elders didn’t have to worry too long.

The services got off to a roaring start with the full gospel band of Ted E. Baer and His Love Fellowship providing a deepness and richness of sound only found in the big megachurches. They must have had over one thousand watts of amplified power behind their instruments. I don’t doubt that the rafters of the old church weren’t moaning from the sonic assault. As things quieted down, and the camera panned the crowd searching the faces of the faithful as they waited for the Reverend Helen Handbasket to begin her service, the camera settled on “Bread and Bottoms”.

Fate? I don’t know. Divine intervention? I can’t say. The revenge of a woman scorned? Probably. As the camera settled on the unsuspecting couple, the little hand of seven year old Devin Bread can be seeing rattling his baby brother’s rattle in his daddy’s ear. Now, I guess that most of us can easily differentiate the difference between the sound of a baby rattle and a rattle snake, but I guess the Reverend Bread is a little more sensitive since his go round with Old Ben. The Reverend Bread jumped as if shot out of a cannon, hollered as if stung by a nest of hornets, did a couple of confusing steps similar to one afflicted with the St. Vitus dance, and made a beeline for the door. His paramour, Ophelia Bottoms, was left in his wake with a confused look on her face. His son, Devin, sat back down quietly next to his mama.

And then, the revival began.

Good morning, y’all. Reporting once again from the water soaked mountains of North Georgia. We had a bit of clearing which gave us high hopes for a game day that wouldn’t be a sloggy mess. We were doing fine for a while but then the skies opened up and deluged the area once again. It looked like the grounds crew had done a fine job of protecting the field over in Athens until that last outburst. In spite of the wet conditions, the Dawgs were able to run free against the Wildcats of Kentucky.

In a week that has been highlighted by acrimony, the Dawgs got it together well enough to put a 27-3 pasting on Kentucky. Now when I say acrimony, I’m not talking about your usual, “Mark Richt is sitting on a hot seat” kind of criticism. I’m talking about Mark Richt taking to the Twitter to tell folks that his defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt is still the defensive coordinator. In fact, Coach Richt added that Coach Pruitt was, “in his office working on the defensive game plan”, even as Mark Richt Tweeted. I can say for sure that this is the first time I’ve ever see a Georgia coach do this.

Rumors still abound, not the least of which is that coach Pruitt is leaving for sure at the end of the season. The story line is that coach Pruitt is too abrasive and confrontational with folks. Geez, Louise, I though that’s what defensive coordinators were supposed to do. No one ever accused Erk Russel of being a shy wallflower, and Erk is the gold standard to me in terms of defensive coaches. If the rumor is true, I will be greatly saddened. I don’t know coach Pruitt, and he may be a real son of a gun, but it looks like he can coach, and more important, it looks like he cares about not being defeated.

I don’t know when the fire went out in Coach Richt, but it is clearly not there unless his back is against the wall. That is a totally BS way to coach, or to live. I’m not saying you have to be a rabid foaming at the mouth attack dog 24-7, but coaches don’t have the luxury of going into sleep mode during the season. Certainly not if they’re getting paid four million plus a year to make their team the best it can be. That’s just offensive to everyone, but particularly the fans who pour their hard earned dollars into the program and have the right to expect a 100% effort every game from the coaches. I’m naive enough to think that the kid’s are always doing the best their coaching allows. This weeks coaching looked like this:

Offense:

Greyson Lambert shared duties with Bryce Ramsey, Sony Michel and Terry Godwin at quarterback. The group was 10 of 19 for 90 yards with one touchdown and no interceptions. Greyson appears to be afraid to be hit, and Ramsey likes to hit, the opposing defenders with his passes. Who is responsible for this mess?

Sony Michel continues to try to fill Nick Chubb’s monstrous shoes, in spite of suffering a hand injury himself. He finished the day with 165 yards rushing on 24 attempts and one touchdown.

Keith Marshall looked a bit like the Keith of old, it was great to see some of that old speed on the field. Keith finished the day with 60 yards rushing on 13 attempts. Keith added another 10 yards in the air, the pass resulting in a nifty touchdown. I hope he continues to develop into what he could have been.

Malcolm Mitchell contributed 52 yards receiving, on just 4 receptions. Malcolm continues to show his Senior leadership by leading the blocking on plays where he is not the receiver. He is a DGD.

Terry Godwin, a Freshman, was the game’s hero by scoring our first touchdown in three games on a busted play where he lined up in the “Wild Dawg” formation. Terry gained 26 yards rushing on just 4 attempts. Terry added 9 yards on punt returns in conjunction with Isiah McKenzie. Terry gives us hope for the future.

Defense:

Again, I was very impressed with the Freshmen play. If the hierarchy in Athens does anything to disrupt the trajectory of this unit I will say that they have lost their minds. The Georgia defense was dominant, and that’s what all of us fans expect, and apparently our offensive coordinators rely on. Losing Coach Pruitt and his staff would  be a huge blow. Hat’s off  to Dominick Sander’s for his two interceptions. Hat’s off to the team for staying focused.

Special teams:

Were not a liability for a change. Marshall Morgan was 2 of 3 in the field goal department, and made his 3 extra points. Freshman Kirby Choates returned two kickoffs for 36 yards and looked good while doing it. Brice Ramsey shared kicking duties with Collin Barber and combined for a 46.8 year average. We looked great on punt returns, less so on kickoff returns. An adequate effort, which I guess is the best we can ever hope for from special teams.

Time of possession was tilted in our favor, 37.5 minutes to 22.5. Glad the coaches got my memo.

Watching Alabama vs LSU was a treat. Is there a better team than Alabama anywhere?

Good morning, y’all. I don’t know how many rain days we’ve had in a row, but it seems like a hundred. We had a real strong storm pass through today that left blue skies in its wake. It was such a stunning sight that I started to take a picture of the sky, kind of a remembrance to a different time. It’s funny how accepting we can become to a new reality, forgetting the old standard.

Speaking of a new reality, Mulva came up with a real surprise selection for our date night movie. I don’t know what possessed her to go the extra mile and reach into the $9.99 video bin at the Walmart, but she did. Maybe she was mistaken and thought all of the bins were supposed to be $2.99, but this week’s selection was clearly over budget. I have to admit, I’m glad Mulva busted the budget on this one. She selected “The Imitation Game”, starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Keira Knightely.

Now, I think Keira Knightely is just as cute as a speckled pup, and I’d be happy to just watch her eat french fries. Benedict Cumberbatch, on the other hand, is not as attractive, in my opinion. So, I’m guessing Mulva was reaching for something bigger than the attractiveness of the stars when she chose the movie.

If Mulva was reaching for a World War II spy movie about a top secret operation that determined the outcome of the war, she grabbed the right movie. Let me not oversimplify or understate the richness of the movie by relegating it to World War II spy movie. It was so, so, much more.

Benedict Cumberbatch is spell binding in the role of Alan Turing.  Alan Turing is the British genius that is widely credited, by those who know, as the father of the computer. Turing’s struggles with his contemporaries, as well as the problem of breaking the German code machine, make for a breathless two hour movie. The acknowledgement that women could be as smart as men was revealed in Keira Knightely’s portrayal of Joan Clarke. The fact that she had to work in the background on the program to not hurt any of the male’s egos, is a savage indictment of the times. The fact that Turing had to hide his homosexuality from his contemporaries and his employers, is also an indictment of the times.

The fascination for me was watching several brilliant minds work on a problem that only a machine could solve quickly enough for the solution to be usable. Making the machine faster and faster was the issue. Turing used his brilliance to make what is considered to be the first computer, capable of revealing the code quick enough to be useful to the military. Turing had to make these extraordinary advancements while fighting off the jealousies of his teammates and a Russian spy embedded in his team. Good stuff.

The movie told Turing’s story accurately, and after the success of solving Enigma, we see Turing live out his days in obscurity because of his sexual orientation. It is so sad that the world chose to not get past its prejudices to reap the benefits of his genius. Talk about “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. We can only imagine what a well-funded, appreciated, Turing could have accomplished.

Turing died at the age of 42 of self induced cyanide poisoning. His genius lost because of the phobias of the less gifted. The following quote of Turing kind of sums it all up for me:

“Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition.”

Good morning, y’all. The skies were rumbling last night, so much so that it cut into my usual five hours of sound sleep. The rumblings were to the East of us, and I joked to Mulva that it sounded like the coaches at UGA were having a “come to Jesus” moment. I don’t think Mulva caught my attempt at humor about the complete disarray the Bulldog program seems to have fallen into. Mulva’s response was, “aaarrrghhh”, followed by pulling the pillow over her head.

I chose to get up and channel surf to see if I could lull myself to sleep via the droning of nonsense. I was fortunate that I was able to find some nonsense right off, it’s just that the message was not sleep inducing. It seems that the Mormon Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, have decided to exclude children of same-sex couples from receiving the church’s blessings. What a bunch of mean spirited wacky doodles.

As usual, my thoughts go first to the child. Imagine attending church with your parents, believing whatever tripe that religion churns out with regard to their heavenly standards, and then being told that because your parents don’t measure up, you’re going to be denied heaven. How cruel is that? And what is the child supposed to do, go home and kill their parents so they can receive God’s love? Clearly the Mormon’s homophobia didn’t go any further than sending a message to the gay community that the gays are not welcome, and to prove it, we’ll deny your children any thoughts of Heaven.

Hypocrisy is an easy topic when discussing religion, and I usually like to use the Bible to give an example of where practice varies from preaching. Luke 18:16 says, “But Jesus called them unto him, and said, ‘Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.‘”  Now, I know not every Bible scholar knows every verse, and every verse is open to interpretation, apparently, but this one looks pretty clear to me. It’s also not the only time in the Bible that the phrase, “don’t prevent children from seeking my love”, appears. So, to see a policy put in place that directly contradicts the teachings of Jesus, one questions the validity of the religion to make any interpretations.

It’s not like the Mormons are without their other peculiarities. Multiple wives and overloading the welfare roles with children supported by the state are a couple of the traits that have dogged the Mormons for years. While the “official” church has tried to calm the public opinion towards the church in the last few decades, there are still many outliers that give rise to the public questioning whether Mormonism is a religion or a cult.

One of the more famous cases of “extreme Mormonism” is Warren Jeffs.  Imagine being a religious leader and being placed on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List. Warren Jeffs gained worldwide attention in May 2006 when he made the list. He made the Top Ten list for unlawful flight to avoid prosecution in Utah. The charges in Utah related to his taking underage girls and “marrying” them to his favored male followers. He was also charged with incest and sexual conduct with minors. Jeffs was found guilty of sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault of children, some as young as twelve. When an investigation was led into Jeff’s FLDS Church’s YFZ Ranch, it was revealed to be nothing more than a breeding ground for child brides for the elder loyal followers. Young males were routinely forced out of the compound, eliminating competition for the elder males. A very sick situation indeed. 

My religious philosophy is a simple one, it has but one dictum, “Do unto others as you would have done to you”. It’s easy to see how if the Mormon church could apply the Golden Rule first, they’d avoid a lot of the other notoriety and controversy.

Good morning, y’all. Another wet one here in North Georgia. I believe the geniuses at Channel 11 weather are predicting another seven days of rain in the next ten days. For the people that give themselves a fudge factor of three degrees when predicting the daily temperature, and achieve a 94 percent accuracy, I don’t know whether to buy more Coppertone or start building an ark. It could go either way.

Speaking of fudge factors, how about that Jeb Bush? It looks like in spite of being declared the de facto Republican candidate at the beginning of this political season, Jeb slides further and further down in the polls. His decline has been somewhat like a rock dropped into the abyss to plumb the depth. As yet, the rock has not hit bottom. The only question is whether Jeb bails before one of his old scandals is brought to surface, or if he will just decide to take his money and run, declaring a moral victory.

When I say take the money, I’m talking about some serious money. The whacky doodle campaign finance laws that allow the very rich to buy their candidates without disclosing to the public their interest, put together a campaign war chest of over 150 million dollars for the Jebber. While he is scheduled to spend about 24 million dollars in the coming weeks in Iowa and New Hampshire, there is no guarantee that the campaign will stay together through New Hampshire. Jeb is pulling about 4% in the polls, and I believe Francis the Mule is pulling about 3%. Clearly the public isn’t buying what Jeb is selling.

In terms of family dynamics, it’s a shame that Jeb was submarined by his older brother. Jeb is clearly the more intellectual, the more polished, seemingly more in-touch with the people candidate. It must have been a case of Barb deciding that Jeb had enough going for him to make it on his own, and that W needed all of the special help the family could bring to bear. It must be particularly galling to Jeb that he is now toxic because of his brother. I mean, when The Donald calls you out on it, what are you going to do, say, “no, you’re right, my brother is a dumbass?”

This is not to say that Jeb is a prize himself. Like any Bush, his history is filled with scandals and sinister back room deals made to further the interests of himself and the oligarchy. Unlike his brother Neal, who was determined to be too dumb in court to know what was going on at Silverado during its collapse, Jeb has appeared to be fairly in touch. Of course, there is that one time that Jeb took a job as a consultant after leaving the governor’s office and the company he was appointed to the board of was a 40 million dollar scam. Jeb would eventually pay back a little more than half the $470,000 salary he was paid by InnoVida. Jeb, like his brother Neil, would plead not guilty by reason of just “being too trusting”. Maybe a family trait is emerging.

Neil with Silverado, Jeb with InnoVida, W with Cheney. Just a bunch of good ol’ boys too darn busy to check the dogs that they’re about to get in bed with for fleas. It would be interesting to do the research to determine if that was a maternal or paternal trait. I see elements in both sides of the family tree.

Speaking of the family tree, Jeb is keeping the family tradition going by bringing another George along. His son, George P., is a politician in Texas. George P. has a son named Prescott. Remember Prescott? I’m beginning to think that after the nuclear holocaust there will be cockroaches and a mutated life form named George Bush that the cockroaches worship.

It’s time for the Bushes to stop “serving the public” and just go play croquet somewhere. Maybe Jeb’s campaign will be the death knell.

Good morning, y’all. All of the rising water and predictions of more and more rain bode for a soggy game this Saturday over in Athens. I don’t know if that gives us an advantage or not. It seems like the spirits are so low at UGA that everybody is just ready for the season to be over. Hopefully, the boys can pull it together and give a good effort in spite of the controversy swimming around them.

Speaking of controversy, and swimming, I see that the Georgia Aquarium has killed another Beluga whale. I use the strong invective, kill, because I don’t believe whales should be held in captivity. I believe the confined space that is dictated by housing an animal in an attraction gives rise to a number of physical illnesses. We  can only guess at what the mental stresses of being confined in such a small area does to their psyche. As vast as the Georgia Aquarium appears to us visitors, we humans would tire eventually of being confined to the space devoted to the whale sharks. Imagine how confining and frustrating the aquarium is to the whales. It would be like putting one of your guppies in a teacup. It wouldn’t be long before the guppy would be belly up.

The sad part of this story is that I have been to the Aquarium and recognized the absolute joy that the school children express when visiting the exhibit. The exhibits are amazing and very educational. No problem there. Where I draw the line is the confinement of a species that would have the oceans of the world as their playground, if they were free. The fact that the whales are mammals, and very likely as intelligent as humans, is the decider for me. Dolphins and whales have the ability to not only learn for themselves, but pass that information on to others. The ability to teach was originally thought to be just a human ability.

To me, the more we learn about the ocean’s mammals, points out that incarcerating them is morally wrong. Like the wrongfully convicted man, the captured whale or dolphin spends his days locked away from his friends and family in conditions that are less than ideal. The fact that the dolphins and whales are put in a “sideshow” type environment is even more cruel than how we treat convicted humans.

There has been a great deal of controversy stirred up by the CNN documentary, “Blackfish”. The documentary tells the story of how Seaworld went about capturing its whales for its exhibits, and the care of the whales after captivity. The bulk of the documentary focuses on the orca, or killer whale, Tilikum. Tilikum was involved in the deaths of three people and there is graphic footage of one of the trainers being attacked. It is shocking stuff, and the interviews of the various trainers that were willing to talk is heartbreaking.

The trainers loved the whales and certainly loved their jobs. What transpired over time was the trainer’s realization that what they were doing was morally wrong, and in the case of Tilikum, deadly. The trainer’s were greatly concerned that the offspring of Tilikum were potentially as deadly as their dad, and those offspring would be sent off to perform at other sites around the world. The trainers saw this as another compelling reason to release the orcas back into the wild. Seaworld didn’t see it that way.

Seaworld  has stuck to their guns and continued to feature orcas in their shows. To the dismay of their shareholders, less and less people are coming to their shows. Eventually the Seaworld folks will have to decide if they will change their policies based on public opinion.

Maybe we could get a “Whitefish” documentary for the Georgia Aquarium’s Beluga whales.

Good morning, y’all. The rains have let off a little bit, and we didn’t have to climb in the raft. I am keeping it near by just in case. If we were down in Louisiana, we’d be out harvesting dinner out of the ditches right now. Crayfish abound when the water rises down in the Bayou state. I guess what’s “good for the goose” isn’t always “good for the gander”.

Our dear friends in the Republican party are doing their best to prove that what’s good for one, isn’t always, good for the other, on a national scale. The Republican party chair and the candidates are objecting to the debate format that holds them to the same scrutiny as their Democrat counterparts. The candidate’s objections arise from the CNBC debate. You know, the one where Ted Cruz decided to go all nuclear on the hosts and the network, rather than answer a question directed at him. There seems to be a disconnect here between “give me more facetime” and giving me facetime that only shows me in a positive light. It is the manipulation of the format and the presentation that the Repubs are after.

Dr. Carson seems to think that the debates are about asking him to detail all of the wonderful things he’s done and ignoring the dumb, despicable stuff he’s done. There is no doubt Dr. Carson has done some wonderful things, but being the spokesman for the supplement company Mannatech isn’t one of them. The “gotcha” exchange as Dr. Carson describes the debate question, is quoted below:

Moderator Carl Quintanilla: “This is a company called Mannatech, a maker of nutritional supplements, with which you had a 10-year relationship. They offered claims that they could cure autism, cancer, they paid $7 million to settle a deceptive marketing lawsuit in Texas, and yet your involvement continued. Why?”

Ben Carson: “Well, that’s easy to answer. I didn’t have an involvement with them. That is total propaganda, and this is what happens in our society. Total propaganda. I did a couple of speeches for them, I do speeches for other people. They were paid speeches. It is absolutely absurd to say that I had any kind of a relationship with them. Do I take the product? Yes. I think it’s a good product.”

–Exchange at GOP debate on CNBC, Oct. 28, 2015

Now the problem with lying in the digital age is that there are files out there somewhere that will be found, like this video. The video gives us a different picture of the relationship.

Is this a gotcha? I don’t think so. I think a gotcha is a question along the lines of “Dr. Carson, when did you stop beating your wife?”. Watching the sputtering and stammering after that type of question is a gotcha. Asking about the prior or ongoing business relationships that a candidate will bring with them to the White House is the responsibility of the press to illuminate. To overstate the obvious, The Donald wants to build a wall between Mexico and the United States, and the job would start day one. The question is not whether the Mexican government will pay for the wall or not. The question is which contractor will get the bid for the job. Do we think The Donald knows anybody in the concrete business? Kind of like asking if Dick Cheney knew anybody at Halliburton prior to the Iraq invasion.

Asking the tough questions of candidates is the absolute moral responsibility of the press. Any candidate on either side that doesn’t understand that premise is a twit and should get out of the race. The absolute “effete snobbery” displayed by this bunch of Republican candidates is frightening. Jeez, next this group of “rock stars” will want somebody picking out all of the brown M&M’s from the bowl in the green room. I have to admit, The Donald does have a bit of a David Lee Roth hairstyle.

Good morning, y’all. Big old storms rolled through last night and we are soaked. The forecast is for rain for the next 4 or 5 days and I’m going to see if our old raft will still hold air. Sounds crazy I know, but look at what those folks out in Texas have been through. I bet some of them wish they’d blown up their raft and had it ready before the high water struck. While it’s true, trailers will float, they’re real hard to steer.

It was such a dark and gloomy day, I almost looked forward to catching the telecast from The Full Gospel Original Church of God. Mulva has reported to me that after last week’s initial telecast, the phones rang off the hook at Channel 99 in Blairsville. People from all over the mountains were wanting to know how to get to the church. Folks in television land were calling in and wanting to know if the show was real, or a bunch of actors acting out a story. There were even people wanting to know if there were more shows during the week, and best of all, people called in wanting to know where to send their donations.

I had jokingly told Mulva that the Reverend Helen Handbasket had left out the most important part of any religious ceremony, asking for money, when she asked me what I thought of the show. My attempt at humor was met with a stern look and a, “You better watch yourself, mister”, from my lovely wife. Turns out, I was right, and the folks in TV land knew how they were supposed to act. The calls to Channel 99 in Blairsville confirmed my conviction that the folks who felt inspired by the Reverend Helen Handbasket’s efforts knew they were supposed to give a little something of themselves to receive the full benefit of the blessing.

As you can imagine, the Elders of the church were quick to correct their oversight. This week’s TV service ended with a full minute of text over the visual of the Reverend Helen Handbasket handling some of the smaller serpents. The fade to black was an advertising winner. The camera was at a low angle to capture the lights shining through the Reverend Helen Handbasket’s flowing red hair. The shot captured enough of the snakes to be interesting, but not scary. The text message was simple:

“If you have been touched by this service of The Full Gospel Original Church of God, help us continue our outreach to the people in our area by contributing whatever you can afford to:

The Full Gospel Original Church of God

P.O. Box 999

Nunsuch, Ga. 30524 “

Marketing genius. “Whatever you can afford” is so open-ended and yet non-invasive. I will be very interested to get the reports from Mulva as to what the televangelism component brings in. As secretary of the church, Mulva makes the weekly deposits for the church. Mulva has reported a steady doubling of donations each week since the Reverend Helen Handbasket took over at The Full Gospel Original Church of God. I am predicting a quadrupling of donations from the TV shows, we’ve got a Dr. Pepper bet on it.

Whatever the tally turns out to be, it will certainly be used to expand the facility size of the little church. The addition of the “side mounted” trailer has already become too little space to accommodate the faithful. Even before the addition of the TV crew, it was already standing room only in the little sanctuary. Now with all of the new folks coming in because of the broadcast, the walls will be bursting.

Ironically, some of the original members of the church are less than pleased with the newly found popularity of their church. Members of the “amen corner” are finding they are having to arrive earlier to services to claim their “rightful” places in the pew. There has even been a bit of backbiting. Some of the righteous are claiming that people are choosing seats by virtue of their likelihood of being shown on TV. Petty stuff I know, but some folks just don’t like change, even if it’s for the good. 

By the way, this week’s service was a corker, even with the service fading in and out due to the heavy rains. The Full Gospel Original Church of God appears to have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.

Good morning, y’all. The forecast of rainy and gloomy for the next few days will fit my mood just fine. The bright ray of sunshine in my existence is that I got through yesterday’s debacle in Jacksonville without a drink. I can see how numbing the constant pain of missed opportunities seemed like a good idea to me before. I am a changed man now, though. What might have ended in a drunken row, or charges of vehicular homicide of a fiberglass gator, instead ended in a night of fitful sleep.

Let me start recounting the events of the game by making a prediction. I think this is Coach Richt’s last year. Clearly the fire is gone. He has climbed to the top of his mountain and does not have the fire within to reach higher. I imagine he’s got enough cash ferreted away to fund whatever endeavors his heart desires. I expect he will make it to the end of the season and not go cold turkey like Coach Spurrier, but I do think the search committee should get right on his replacement.

We started the game with some wrinkles. Faton Bauta, the third string quarterback, played the whole game. Faton was picked because he added the component of a running quarterback to the mix. Strange, he ran only 3 times for 4 yards. I guess the Gators weren’t tricked. Speaking of tricked, we also had some treats in our bag for the Gators. Four interceptions and a muffed punt for a touchdown. The muffed punt was all the Gators needed to beat us.

Offense:

Faton Bauta was not game ready, it was clear his timing was off. He was 15 of 23 for 154 yards with no touchdowns and four interceptions. Hopefully he’ll get more reps this week if they plan on starting him against Kentucky.

Sony Michel was ineffectual either by game plan, or a well coached Gator defense. Sony finished the day with 45 yards rushing on 13 attempts and added another 19 yards in the air. He seemed to suffer a hand injury which could have played a part in his low productivity.

Malcolm Mitchell contributed 60 yards receiving, on just 4 receptions. There was more to be had, we just couldn’t get the timing right.

Terry Godwin, our hope for the future, finished the evening with 42 yards receiving, on just 4 receptions. I am at a loss as to why Terry was not helping on kickoffs and punt returns. Reggie Davis, the goat of the game, certainly needed the help.

Defensive:

The Dawgs continue to improve, but you can only leave them on the field for so long before they wear out. Florida accounted for over 400 yards of offense with 258 of it coming on the ground. I believe the Gator’s top runner was a Freshman, which does not bode well for our future. Our Freshmen played well, which does gives us hopes for our future.

Special teams:

Suck. Collin Barber’s inadequate punting has been replaced by Brice Ramsey, which was an improvement. Muffed punts for a touchdown, running kickoffs out from deep in the end zone, you name it. Reggie Davis was a one man wrecking crew, for the Gators. Does he have a replacement?

Time of possession was tilted in the Gator’s favor, 37 minutes to 23. Looks like I need to send the coaches another memo about possession.

We can at least take comfort in other people’s sorrow, Georgia Tech lost again. Hopefully the Bees will be totally interested in basketball by the time we get there.